Wildest Dreams
by MiMiMargot
Summary: "I miss the sun on my face. I miss the wind in my hair. I miss the sweet smell of the orchard on the spring, the scent of the flowering apple trees. I long to hear the singing birds on the canopy, the buzzing sound of the bees, collecting the nectar from the flowers. My heart aches to feel the warm grass on my bare feet, as I walk through the garden on the first days of summer."
1. No ordinary man

He had the most beautiful eyes, blue and grey like the sky before a storm

That was the first thing I noticed about him, as I stepped into his cell, and he looked up from a book he'd been reading.

Unbelievably beautiful eyes, surrounded by thick, black lashes - as black as his hair that fell free to his shoulders.

I heard as the door closed behind me - and a number of locks, both physical and made by magic, were closed.

 _This is it._ I gulped, nervous and scared. _Trapped in a cell with a predator - a beautiful but deadly, like a wild animal._

He took a while looking at me, and I felt like he saw right through me. His evaluative gaze glided from my flaming red curls all to way to my bare feet that were visible under the hem of my simple, white dress, and it made me shiver - as if he'd been touching me, not just watching.

There was a displeased look on his handsome face, as he closed the book and laid it on a nearby table. Nimbly as a cat, he stood up and walked a few steps closer to me.

"Why are you here?" he asked. His voice was like black velvet. Like sweet, dark wine. Like forest honey, that dripped on my skin.

It had been a long time since I'd talked to anyone. That's what being in prison does to you. Solitude and silence become the normal state of mind, and at some point the mere thought of opening one's mouth to exchange words with another person, begins to feel absurd.

I tried to speak, but the words didn't come easily.

"Answer my question." He stated, with a voice that told me he was used to commanding people.

"I was sent, My Lord." I breathed, my voice husky and raw on my ears.

"Why?"

I blushed. "For entertainment."

"Ah." he chuckled, but there was no warmth in his smile. "And what makes you think, that I'm in need of ... as you say, _entertainment._ "

"I have not dared to think so, My Lord. The decision wasn't made by me."

"Is that so?" His voice was full of stabbing an irony.

He tilted his head, as if trying to decide what kind of a creature was I, and then decided to walk slowly closer. Determinately he raised his hand, and grabbed my chin, forcing me to raise my face and confront his gaze.

"Well, you're here." He said, after a few heartbeats, and let go of my chin. "Entertain me."

"My Lord, I do not-"

"Ah, useless." he muttered. "You are not proving to be much of an entertainment. You have barely spent a minute in my room, and I am already bored. Is there anything you can do? Can you even talk?"

"I can talk." I breathed.

"Good." he raised an eyebrow. "Then tell me who are you."

"I'm no one."

"No one. Sent to 'entertain' me. Is that supposed to be funny?" He shook his head, making me feel miserable.

I knew I was failing in my mission, but the task I had been given, simply was too hard. Loki was nothing like I had imagined, nothing like the sad, lonely prince I had thought he'd be, all those days I'd lay on the floor of my cell, admiring his beauty through the windows.

He was mean, and he was scary. And he was so beautiful, it made my heart skip a beat every time I managed to raise my eyes to glance at him.

"It's just… it's been very long since I've talked to anyone, My Lord."

"Oh." he said. "Another prisoner, then. The human girl from across the hallway, if I'm not mistaken."

I nodded, still unable to look him in the eye.

"Tell me, little human… what did _you_ do to get here?"

"I'm not really a human, My Lord. My father was an Asgårdian, my mother a human."

"Interesting. But you're avoiding my question, wench." His voice was suddenly hard, as was the look on his face. "What did you do, to be imprisoned?"

I bit my lip, and looked at my toes.

"A murder." I breathed, my voice as faint as a feather.

"You are a murdered?" he asked, his voice clearly amused all of the sudden. "You, a nobody. And who did you kill, if I may ask?"

"My father."

And hearing my answer, he laughed out loud.

"Oh, delicious!" he chuckled. "You _are_ interesting. A pretty little human girl, who killed his Asgårdian father. I can appreciate that."

But I didn't want him appreciating the most desperate thing I had ever done.

I remembered all too well that night, that had brought me here. The irony taste of fear on my tongue, the burning acid of guilt, the anger in my gut, and the regret in every cell of my body. Not a regret for taking a life, but for losing my innocence.

"Why did you do it?" he asked silently, still smiling. He had walked a bit further away from me, and now he turned to look at me again, and for the first time I saw interest in his eyes. "Did you do it for revenge, for desperation - or for just the fun of it?"

"Not all fathers are good fathers." I replied, and suddenly I felt a shadow of an old rage, long buried, heating my blood. "Not all fathers deserve to live."

"Is that so?" He laughed softly and pressed his fingers to his lips for a moment, examining my eyes. "Maybe there _are_ things we agree on. Tell me, human, what did your father do, that you'd take his life?"

But I didn't want to answer.

There was a knot inside of my heart, keeping in all the secrets I had lived through my life, and that knot couldn't be opened this easily.

I took a deep breath to cool down, and suddenly my mouth felt very dry. Loki stared at me in silence, his eyes still revealing nothing, but I knew well enough, that he must see how my heart was pounding, my chest heaving with my shallow breaths.

"My Lord." I finally managed to whisper. "I've been a prisoner all my life. First, enslaved by my father, and after his death caged by Odin, sentenced for a life in prison. That is my life, that is all there is to know about me."

"Is that so, human?" He demanded. "You talk about patricide, like it was a deed to be done, an obligation. Something you did, because he deserved it for not being a good father. But I think there is more than you are telling me. Can you look me in the eye, and tell me you didn't enjoy taking a life? Do you dare to claim, that you do not rejoice by remembering how intoxicating it was to take away his right to live?"

"And even if it were so, my Lord, why would you care?" I breathed, trying to stay calm, but he must've seen as my fingers clenched to fists.

"Oh, angry, are you?" He grinned, and suddenly walked closer to me.

"Yes."

"That's my favorite feeling." he noted.

"Not mine."

"If you say so." He smirked. "But your eyes tell me otherwise."

He stopped right in front of me, and raised a hand to touch my face, let his cool, thin fingers glide on my burning cheek.

I shifted nervously. There was something in his touch, that made me uneasy. He must have noticed that, but it didn't seem to make any difference to him, for he didn't stop. My heart was beating like the wings of a humming bird, as he let his fingers move down, brushing my lips, and then following my neck to my collarbone.

I felt my nipples hardening, just before he pulled his hand away.

"You have beautiful eyes." he said. "Green - it is my favourite colour."

I made a small, surprised gasp. So, he was capable of speaking nicely.

"So do you." I breathed.

"Did you say that to my brother as well?" he asked out of the blue, and suddenly his voice was cold as steel.

"I'm sorry-?"

But I was interrupted mid sentence by Loki, who suddenly grabbed me with force, and pushed me against the wall so that it hurt.

"I asked 'Did you say that to my brother as well', wench!" he hissed at my face, and I felt his hot breathing on my lips. "It was him who sent you, wasn't it?"

"It was him, My Lord." I tried to keep my voice calm.

"Why?"

"I do not know." I lied. "To entertain you, he said. To ease your time in this dungeon."

He observed my face for a few heartbeats, until he finally seemed to be satisfied with my answer, and let me go.

"In other words, my noble brother Thor sent you here to prostitute yourself."

I blushed and bit my lip.

Yes, it had been one of the tasks Thor had given me, but hearing it from Loki's lips… was another thing entirely.

"That might have been his meaning, yes." I replied, unable to meet Loki's eyes.

"And did you have anything to say about the matter?"

"What can a human girl say to a God?" I answered with a question, for how could've I said the truth? The embarrassing truth, that I had longed for Loki since I had first laid my eyes on him. Since then had my body ached for him, my lips for his kiss, my ears to hear his voice, my skin to feel his touch.

But now that I was close to him, I felt too shy to even look at him.

"I am a God too." he whispered, pushing me close to the wall again. His breathing fell to my lips, and my mouth watered. He smelled of salt, musk and leather, and my spine shivered as he leaned closer to me.

"Do not mistake me for an ordinary man." He exhaled, clenching his teeth. "Do you think that your insignificant, short life means anything to me? I could send a sweet message to my brother by ripping your body to pieces. I have killed for a lot less, killed little human girls like you. Do I make myself clear?"

I could not breath properly. His slim, cool fingers grabbed my throat and speaking was almost impossible. I only managed to nod.

"Yes, My Lord." I squealed.

He loosened his grip, and I collapsed on the floor against the wall, like a rag doll - limp, my legs trembling. I pressed my hand to my bosom - my heart beat fiercely with fear - and excitement.

"You have ceased to be entertaining. Get out of my sight." He walked over to glass like wall, and leaned on it with both hands, breathing heavily.

"Guards!" He shouted, and his voice cracked.

Almost instantaneously, two guards - armed from head to toe - arrived to take me away. Loki only glanced at me once, the look in his eyes scornful - as if I was worth nothing.

"Take the whore to her cell." He said, and with that he sat down on his divan, and picked up the book he had placed down on my arrival.


	2. Kneel before me!

For four days I lay on the floor of my cell, doing nothing but thinking of him. I could see him from my prison, even though our rooms were not directly facing each other. I lay on the cold floor and looked at Loki, every moment of my days, like a flower that follows the sun as it travels through the arch of sky.

For just as intoxicating he was to me, and just as elusive.

Some days he just sat and read books. Some days he lay on his divan, staring at the ceiling, as if he was expecting for something to happen, as if in his mind he could see another world, something that was encrypted for the rest of us. In those days, he was calm and quiet, and all his gestures and expression were elegant, sophisticated.

But some days… some days he was restless as an imprisoned predator. I saw him walking around and around in his small cage. Again and again his steps carried him to the see through wall, and I got to see him. His jaw was clenched tight, and the look in his pale blue eyes, was strained and tormented. He clenched his fists, so that his knuckles went white, and once in awhile, he stopped for a moment in front of the window, pressed his fist against it, as if to test if it still held.

On the fifth day they came for me, to take me back to him. It was one of those days when he was ill at ease, and as I was thrown in, I could feel his power and anguish crackling in the air, like electricity.

He was already on his feet as I stepped in, and he looked at me in silence, his beautiful mouth a hard, tight line.

"My Lord." I said, and looked down.

"It's you again." He noted, his voice black as night. "I take it, they do not, value of your life very high?"

"I wouldn't know, My Lord."

He shrugged, and turned his gaze from me, walked once around the room with his hands behind his back, his steps restless, his form agile as the one of a large feline. When he arrived to me again, he stopped.

"Kneel." He said. His voice was just a light whisper, but it sent a shiver through my body, like an electric current on my spine. "Kneel before me, human."

I did as he commanded. I fell down to my knees, and kept my eyes on the ground. The floor was cold and hard under my knees, and my breathing was nervous, shallow and thin.

I felt his hand on my hair, on my red curls, and and his touch was so gentle, that it made me melt. I inhaled sharply, as he slowly, cautiously, let his fingers run through my hair, and then to follow the line of my jaw, to tenderly caress the skin of my cheek. He grabbed my chin gently, and lifted my face up.

"I hate to admit it, but you are beautiful - for a human." he said.

His words surprised me, they were so unexpected that my heart skipped a few beats. I was not able to say a thing, but my cheeks blushed. I tried to look down, but he clenched his fingers tightly on my chin, and forced me to look him in the eye.

"I want to know how those sweet lips of yours can please me." he said, and his lips curved into a narrow smile. "That is what you're here for. Go ahead, wench. Start."

I hesitated for a moment, glanced to the hallway, to the guard who was standing behind the glass like wall.

But Loki's soft, dark laughter pulled my gaze back to his face.

"Do you think I will allow for them to see anything other than what I want for them to see? Do not worry, my little pet. Right now, you and I are sitting by that table, playing a game of chess. I look bored and youlook scared, and I am, of course, winning."

I nodded, and gulped. I was scared and nervous not only in his illusion but in real life as well, and the thought that anyone but Loki would have been able to see me now, had been too much. Now that I knew that it was really just the two of us, I no longer hesitated.

I raised my fingers to his hips, to the belt of his black trousers, and slowly, my hands trembling, I opened the buckle. His trousers were of soft linen, the finest fabric I had ever felt, and cautiously, with my pale fingers, I opened them.

I glanced up, needing reassurance, but his ice blue eyes didn't give me anything. For a few heartbeats I hesitated, but continued nevertheless. I pulled the trousers open, and soon it became obvious to me, that even if his eyes had been cold, that wasn't the case in other parts of his body.

I had felt it through his pants already, his large, hard erection, and now that it was revealed, it took my breath away. My mouth watered, and I shivered.

God, it had been so long, since… I bit my lip. A need, long buried, rose inside of me, and made my heart pound.

I raised my hand, and gently palmed his shaft, and caressed its whole length, before pressing my palm on it's head to rub on it. Oh, it was so beautiful, so long and thick - I could've just admired it all day, but the groan he made as I tightened my grip, told me to keep on touching him.

He made a dark, low moan, and sighed deeply, as I began to pump his length, gripping harder and tighter now. I glanced up, and saw how he closed his eyes, and bit his lip in desire, wich encouraged me.

And then I felt his fingers in my hair, gripping it hard, pulling my face closer to his crotch. The way he touched me told me just what he wanted for me to do - no words needed.

I pressed my face to the base of his cock and kissed it. I let my tongue glide along his erection, from, root to tip, following the pulsating pattern of veins. It tasted divine, and I yearned for it, my body now all hot and molten, and the sounds that escaped from his lips turned me on even more. Teasingly I pleased him with my tongue, let it circle the head of his cock to lick off the small droplets of salty liquid that had emerged. And all the while my hands never stopped caressing his length, slowly but firmly, gripping him tight on a way that made him groan.

"Take it in your mouth." He commanded, his voice husky and raw. "Now, all of it."

And I did as he told, obeyed like a slave who I was. I opened my lips and pulled his cock deep into my mouth, pressing my lips firmly around it, tasting his salty taste on my tongue.

He growled in pleasure, made a deep, wolfish groan when his cock sank into my throat. And when I pulled my head back, he grabbed my hair, trying to stop me from getting too far.

"Yess…" he hissed, and his low voice sent shivers of pleasure to my veins. "You do have skills, my little one."

My heart was pounding like crazy in my chest, my veins were filled with fire, and my body ached for his touch, like there was a void inside of my abdomen, an aching emptiness I knew would only heal if he'd make me his.

But I had no right to ask for anything, and he did as he pleased with me.

His fingers in my hair were hard now, gripping me tight, and he had began to move, to push his hard shaft deep into my mouth. And yes, by God, I wanted him to do so, but still I felt helpless in front of him.

I couldn't see his face, but I didn't have to, to understand his pleasure. His fingers clutched my head so hard that it almost hurt. His breathing was fast, almost like panting, and the small groans and moans he made, were enough to send electric like shocks of arousal through my feverish body.

He pushed his hips forward every time I took his shaft between my lips, and as I sucked on it, it reached deeper and deeper into my throat with every push - but still never too deep, never so that it make me gag. He had a complete control over me, and over himself too, even if little by little his movement became faster and deeper, and soon I realized he was reaching his peak. He was taking what he wanted, fucking my mouth as it pleased him, taking his pleasure without asking a permission.

I released my grip of his cock, and placed my hands on his hips, to be able to stay on place. He was moving so fast now, and his grip in my hair was desperate. Shivering from lust, from head to toe, I pressed my fingers on his hips, and let him have his way with me.

And suddenly he came. He groaned, and cursed, and clutching his fingers in my hair, he tore it. He thrusted his cock deep, deep into my throat, and I tasted his divine seed on my tongue.

I inhaled, surprised, but without even thinking about it, swallowed it all. His erection was still hard, and pulsing between my lips, and the salty, strong taste of his seed was like the taste of an ocean. It made me high headed, and horny. I wanted more of it, and I wanted more of him. I wanted to feel him on top of me, his fingers on my skin, his cock inside of me on the way it was really meant to be, and I wanted to know all the ways he could make me come too.

But he was finished with me, and giving a long, satisfied sigh, he pulled his cock away. I grabbed it one more time, and he watched approvingly as I liked it clean, tasted the last sweet drops of his cum on my tongue.

I wanted so much more, that it was unbearable to let go of him, but he forced me to.

He grabbed my arm, and pulled me up on my feet. There was a dark, sinful grin on his beautiful lips, as he looked at me. I knew he saw right through me, he saw my lust, the way my heart beat, my cheeks blushed and my hands shook.

I let him see all of my desire, but it meant nothing to him.

He closed his trousers, and buckled his belt, making it clear he was indeed done with me.

I was still shaking, inside and out. This was not fair.

I wanted to shout out loud. I wanted to scream it to his face! I had given him great pleasure, that I knew he had truly enjoyed, so now it was by right my turn!

But of course, I said nothing.

For how could I have? There was no way for me, to raise my voice against him. He saw my desire, and knew that it was in his power to leave me needy. He didn't have to give me anything.

He was a God, after all. And what was I? Nothing.


	3. Good girl

I had known nothing of longing before the days that followed our encounter.

Never before had I experienced such an aching, all consuming need, and fear, than on those days that I lay on the floor of my cell, and waited.

He had sent me away from him as if I was nothing. As if nothing at all had happened between us. But I remembered the taste of his seed on my tongue, I remembered how his fingers had felt on my hair, and his voice echoed in my ears when I tried to close my eyes at night.

My every thought began with his name, and ended with it. He dominated my every waking hour as if he had put a spell on me - which was of course a possibility. I had only one wish, only one reason to keep on breathing - a hope I might be summoned to meet him again.

Four days they kept me waiting.

And on the fifth, I was taken to him.

This time, he was waiting for me. He stood in the middle of the floor, his gaze following my every step, when the guards walked me through the hallway, the short distance that separated our cells. It only took that one look, to make me lose my balance. It was as if I could feel it on my skin, as if his fingers had truly glided on my body, caressing me ever so gently.

It was enough to make me high headed, and take my breath away.

But he remained in place, seemingly cool and tranquil, waiting for the guards to leave, and lock the doors. Only then, when he knew that we were truly alone, he spoke.

"And they just keep sending you back to me." He said, his voice as soft and black as forest honey. "I don't know what I should do with you, my little one."

"You can do whatever pleases you, My Lord."

He grinned, so that his beautiful white canine teeth were revealed. "Is that so? You're that hungry for my touch, that you don't even pretend to be frightened anymore?"

"Would you want me to, My Lord?"

He laughed, but suddenly he was in front of me, and grabbed me by the throat, so that that I could hardly breath. His strong fingers clutched my skin so hard, that I knew they'd leave marks, and his face was just inches away from mine so that his hot breathing fell on my lips.

"You should be afraid of me." He hissed. "Perhaps you've forgotten what I told you the first time we met."

"I have not forgotten." I barely managed to answer. "You reckoned that my life wasn't highly valued, because I was sent to you. I am simply proving that point."

When he heard my words, something flashed in his eyes, something dark, something sinister and frightening, and it made me shiver. But the look was gone in an instant, and suddenly his lips were on my own.

It was the first time he kissed me, the first time I felt his lisp on mine.

It felt like a lightning had struck me, and my knees went weak. I inhaled sharply, and I had to lean to him, to be able to stay on my feet. He grabbed me by the waist with his strong hands, and pulled me closer, his lips brushing mine teasingly, their touch light as a feather. My mouth watered, and a small moan of longing escaped from my lips. And as if to answer that, his mouth pressed on mine, fiercely and hard, he opened my lips and I felt his tongue on mine.

I moaned like an animal, like a person dying of thirst when he's being offered a sip of water. His lips arched into a smile as he heard my voice, and suddenly all my hesitation was gone. I couldn't help myself - I threw my arms around his neck, pushed my fingers into his beautiful, black hair, and pulled him closer into our kiss.

He made a small, dark laugh, as if he found my excitement amusing, but I didn't care. I felt his laughter on my lips, on my tongue, and I inhaled the air he breathed. He scented of leather and wine, and steel, and the pure masculinity of that scent made me shiver. There was a hollow aching inside of my core, making me all hot and trembling in his arms.

By Yggdrasil, I had never wanted a man like this, not in my whole life!

But then again - Loki was not an ordinary man, those had been his own words. And thus the lust he light in me wasn't ordinary either - it was something else entirely. Something raw and primitive, and it left me breathless.

Chuckling, he grabbed my wrists, and effortlessly he pulled my hands away from his hair, and pushed me farther away from him.

He licked his lips like a wolf, and I saw how his chest heaved with heavy breathing. "Do not try to take take liberties with me, wench."

"I'm sorry, My Lord." I breathed, and bowed my head. My heart was pounding like a drum, and it took all I had, to stay put.

"You would do wisely to remember your place, little human. You're here for my entertainment, not the other way around. I will take my pleasure from you, the way I choose to."

I had no time to answer, as he suddenly jerked me around and pushed my face and chest against the wall. My breasts were squeezed to the wall, and all air escaped my lungs, leaving me breathless. He grabbed my hair almost violently, and pulled my head back so that my back arched, and with his other hand he grabbed my skirt and pulled it up.

"Ah!" I screamed, as I felt his cool, long fingers on my most sensitive parts. Slowly, teasingly, he caressed my labia, and found the way to my clit, that was already aching for his touch. "Oh, dear Lord, please…!" I moaned, and he chuckled, as his skillful fingers kept rubbing me. And then, I felt as he pushed a finger inside, and then two, and my knees went weak as the pleasure he caused me flashed through my core like a bolt of lightning.

"You're dripping already." he chuckled, his voice deep and dark, and sinful. "And I haven't even started with you yet, human."

With that he pulled his fingers out of me, and just as I was about to cry out of despair, I felt how he pressed his now bare cock against my crotch, and thrusted inside with one, long, deep push.

Oh, it was so big! Even if I wanted it, it still felt like I was being cut open, and a cry of pain escaped my lips. But he soothed me, caressed my back with his gentle hands, and gave me time to adapt before he began to move.

"Is this what you wanted, my little one?" He whispered in my ear, beginning to circle his hips against me. "I saw you lying on the floor of your cell, watching me, all these days. Tell me - is this what you were thinking? Is this what you yearned for?"

"Yes…!" I managed to breath, and he rewarded me by thrusting deep inside of me, making me gasp. His shaft was like a burning sword inside of me, it split me open from crotch all the way to the sternum, or so it felt. And as he pushed it in me again, and again, it filled me so completely, that all words disappeared from my lips and thoughts of my head, until there was nothing left in me, but the all consuming need to have him, to get him deeper and deeper into me.

But he was the God of mischief, and he wasn't going to let me have all right away.

He pulled his cock out slowly, teasingly, and then pushed it back to me so fast, and fierce that it made me see stars. He grabbed my hips with both hands, and gripped it so that I felt his fingers marking my skin, and he fucked me hard, slicing me open again and again, all the time faster and stronger - but never so that he'd touch my aching clit, so that I'd be truly rewarded.

And then, suddenly, without a warning, he pulled out of me. I could not help crying out of despair, when I felt the emptiness he left in me.

"My Lord, please, please..." I began, but my words were lost, as he grabbed me into his arms, and kissed me almost violently. His tongue entered my mouth, and it tasted of salt and lust and wine, and I couldn't help but to moan, as he pulled me near, and I felt his gorgeous erection pressing hot and hard against my abdomen, all wet from my fluids.

Slowly he opened his shirt, and pulled it off completely, revealing his pale, beautifully formed chest. He was lean and muscular, his skin almost the color of ivory. Without asking for a permission, I laid my hands on his shoulders, slowly let my fingers glide along his skin to his arms, to feel his strong muscles that trembled under his skin. They hardened under my touch, as he clenched his fists - and suddenly he inhaled sharply, and raised his hands to grab my wrists, pulling my hands away.

"Don't!" He breathed, and gripped me so hard that it hurt.

I winced, and a small cry of pain left my lips, but I took his meaning - he did not want for me to touch him - he wanted to touch me.

His face suddenly hard and ruthless, he threw me down on the divan, spread my legs and knelt to the floor between them. He pushed his cock deep inside of me, with one, long thrust, and my back arched, the pain and pleasure striking my core. He thrusted so deep, I could have sworn that I felt his shaft in my heart. His fingers gripped the skin of my hips as he pulled me on the edge of the divan, as close to him as possible, and I heard how he groaned wolfishly, as he entered me.

I cried out loud with every thrust, not caring who might hear me.

With every move, he pushed me closer to the peak of my pleasure, and soon I was losing all sense. I could not help but to scream, as he penetrated me again, and again. His cock inside of me hitting all my secret spots of pleasure, his fingers from time to time brushing gently on my swollen clit, and I knew it he would soon push me over the edge.

"My Lord ...!" I moaned. "I ... ah!"

"Yesss!" He hissed.

"Ah...!" An unbearable heat burned inside of me. I pushed my hips against his, wrapped my thighs around him. "Oh, please…!"

"Say it!"

"Say what?" I moaned, biting my lip.

"My name!" He commanded. "Say it!"

"Loki ...!" I exclaimed, and as I did, he thrusted his cock in me with force, deeper than ever. "Aah...! Loki!" I kept screaming his name, as I came like an exploding supernova.

For a moment I lost all grip to reality. There was nothing, but the wave of pleasure, that washed over me. I had never came that way, not even close, not like this, my head spinning, my legs spasming, my heart racing in my chest - and his erection still hard, deep inside of me, sending new waves of orgasm in me until I finally felt my muscles relaxing.

When I finally managed to breath again, I hesitantly opened my eyes.

He was still there, between my thighs, his shaft hard and demanding inside of me. But his eyes... God, in his eyes, for the shortest of moments, there was a look I'd never seen before. It was so open, so sincere, that it took my breath away. He looked at me as if I was something amazing, something incredibly valuable, and my heart skipped a few beats.

No one had ever looked at me like that.

But the moment was over in a heartbeat. He masked his face with the look I knew much better, the evil, mischievous grin. He clenched his fingers into the skin of my thighs, pulled my legs wide open and without waiting for permission, he began to fuck me again, and now he did it ruthlessly. Each thrust was deep, fast and raw, and he no longer looked at my face. His gaze followed the movement of his cock when it sank in me, and suddenly I became very aware of myself, ashamed even, feeling way too exposed in front of him.

I blushed and covered my face with my hands, but he grabbed me by the wrists and forced my hands on my sides. His fingers clenched my skin so that I knew they'd leave bruises, but I said nothing. The words failed me, for even if his hands hurt me, his shaft inside of me felt as sweet as ever, and I still yearned more of it.

However, he was now going to take his pleasure, as he wished.

Hard he pressed me against the divan, and only after a few, deep and almost violent thrusts, he reached his peak.

He squeezed his eyes closed, and I saw how he bit his lip. He groaned as he came, spitting out a few curses, but then collapsed on top of me, pressed a kiss on my forehead, and wrapped his arms around me. On my breasts, I felt his heart beating, and his hot breathing fell on my face, while his cock was still pulsing slowly inside of me. His breathing calmed down little by little, and he slid his fingers through my hair, as if just to caress me. His lips moved to my neck, and kissed me, sucked on my skin on a way I knew would leave a mark on me.

I made a small, satisfied sound, and turned my head to see his face, but he flinched and immediately withdrew farther. His beautiful, black hair covered his eyes when he suddenly got up, and I felt his cock sliding out of me.

"Loki ..." I tried to say, as I stood up, but his gaze was suddenly cold and distant, and it stopped me.

"Remember your place, woman, and address me accordingly!" He threw the words on my face while dressing.

His words were like a punch on my face.

"I'm sorry, Your Highness." managed, and turned my gaze from him.

Suddenly I tasted tears in my throat, hot, bitter tears, lurking behind my eyes. I tried to swallow them, tried to hide them so hard that I bit my lip, but I didn't succeed. Now that the passion was leaving me, I could feel the traces of his touch in every part of my body, and the insult he had thrown on my face, left me shaken. I was hurt and I ached all over, inside and out, and suddenly I felt very small and vulnerable.

I kept my eyes down, but I couldn't stop the tears from falling down to my cheeks. Goddamned this! You're nothing but a crybaby, a pathetic, miserable, slave. No wonder no one loves you!

I tried to silence my inner voice, tried to wipe away my tears as discreetly as possible, but of course he noticed.

Slowly he walked back to me, examined me for a moment with his piercing gaze, without saying a thing. I tried to collect my dress and cover my nakedness, but at some point of our lovemaking, Loki's fingers had torn it apart, and I couldn't get it on me anymore.

Without a word, he picked up a his cape from a nearby chair, and wrapped it on me. For a short while his hands stayed on my shoulders and I felt his warmth through the fabric. Grateful, I wrapped his cloth tightly around me, and inhaled his familiar scent of leather and steel from it, but he turned his back on me, and walked a few steps farther.

"I've hurt you." He said quietly. It was a statement, not an apology.

"Not too much, My Lord."

"Will you heal?" He asked, still not looking at me.

I managed a small laugh. "Yes, undoubtedly I will"

"Good." He turned, and his eyes met mine. "You did well, for a human. I don't wish you any harm."

"I'm glad that I have been able to please My Lord." I replied, and looked down again.

He seemed to waver for a moment, but then walked back to me, and sat next to me on the divan. It was as if he hesitated, his hand stopped in the air for a few heartbeats, but then he laid it on my arm. His touch on me was gentle, and light like a bird's wing. His long, thin fingers were so elegant, so beautiful and delicate, that it was difficult to realize that those same hands had touched me in such a different way just a few moments earlier.

"I was not the only one who got pleasure, surely?" He finally said.

"No, My Lord. You know this." I couldn't help but to blush, as I remembered the ways he had made me his.

He grabbed my chin gently, and lifted my face so he could look at it. Those dark forest meadow eyes, surrounded with long, black lashes - the look in them was shadowed, dark and full of meanings I couldn't read. It was as if he was searching my face to find something, but I can't tell if what he saw in me, pleased him or not. But after a while, he slowly leaned closer to me, and pressed his lips on my own.

I gasped, as the desire suddenly flashed through my body. It was like a lightning strike, it went from my lips, to my nipples (I felt them hardening again), and it made my weary body ache. His lips were so sweet on my own, so gentle and so soft, and yet so demanding - and despite my exhaustion, I leaned to him.

I wanted him more than was good for me, and I'm sure he knew it, but nonetheless, he kissed me for a long time before he finally let go.

"You're tired." He said then, with a cool and calm voice. "Rest now, little one."

I didn't argue, for I knew he was right. I lay down on the couch, my body aching, pulling myself on a fetal position, covering my nakedness with his cape. He placed his hand on my hip for a short moment, but then stood up to walk away.

"My Lord ...!" I dared to call him, and he turn to look at me.

"Yes?"

"Please, do not go yet. Would you not… stay with me for a while?"

I do not know what kind of courage made me say those words out loud, but perhaps he took pity on me, because he showed no anger, nor did he mock me. With a silent sigh, he sat back by my side, and laid his hand on my hip. I felt it's warmth on my skin through the fabric.

"All right, my little human." His fingers moved to my back, caressing me like I was his pet, a cat perhaps. "You've been a good girl today."

I closed my eyes and let his touch to lull me to sleep. The sleepiness engulfed my tired body almost immediately, so fast that afterwards I wondered, whether he had something to do with it.

When I woke up, I was back in my cell. I was still naked, and wrapped in his cloth. Its dark green linen fabric had his scent in it, and his warmth still surrounded me so, that for a moment I thought I was still in his arms. But soon enough I dropped out of the dream, and was pulled into the intolerable reality.

I tried to get up on my feet, but my muscles were so sore, that I winced. When I looked at my arms and my body, I saw large, dark purple bruises all over. I was branded. His fingers had marked my skin.

The bruises terrified me, but at the same time it was intoxicating to see them, for they were a reminder of the things we had done. They aroused me, for I remembered how each and every one of them had been born. I remembered how his hands had felt on my skin - ruthless, hard, ravenous. He had marked me as his own, and I did not resent it.

Slowly I managed to rise to my knees and I dragged myself to my cell's see through wall. I reached as far as I could to see him, but he wasn't in that part of his prison I could see. I sighed, and disappointment cut through my heart, the hurt deeper than the one cused by my wounds.

For I needed to see him, like a flower needs to see the sun. And I wanted for him to see me. I wanted for him to see me now - as I was, alone and naked, only his cloth covering me, his fingerprints on my skin.

But he did not come out, and I knew he was avoiding me, for I did not see him on the following days either. It was full three days, that I only saw short glimpses of him, and not once did he look at my direction.

But on the fourth day his brother Thor came to see me. By then, my bruises had turned to a sickening shade of dark yellow, and I knew just what went through his mind as he saw me.


	4. Can a flower love the sun?

"I never should've sent you to him." Thor grunted, unable to hide his disgust as he observed my bruises. "Look what he did to you."

"I do not mind, My Lord." I said, and it was the truth. "They are just bruises. They will heal."

But Thor turned away from me and walked to the other side of my cell, his footsteps echoing his angry state of mind. His shoulders were rigid and he didn't even look at me, as he spoke. "My brother did this to you on purpose, the monster that he is. He hurt you, just to send me a message."

"No, I doubt it, My Lord. I don't think he did this to me because of that." I said, though the thought had crossed my own mind as well. "He's simply that much stronger than I am. He didn't beat me, nor did he torture me or harm me any other way. The marks on my skin were caused by his hands, yes, but he just held me on place, while..." but I was unable to finish the sentence as the blush crept on my face.

"Nevertheless." Thor replied. "I anticipated that there was a danger in this, and I was right. This was a mistake, and one of mine. I can no longer tolerate sending you to him, no matter the possible benefits of this arrangement."

Hearing his words was like the floor had suddenly disappeared under my feet, and spent me spinning into the darkness.

My heart skipped a few beats, and I gasped for air.

Not to be able to see Loki anymore…? The only thing that had any meaning in my life, the only reason I managed to keep on breathing - and Thor would just take it away from me?

"Oh, please, no…!" I exclaimed, my voice shaking. "Please, be merciful. I pray, do not take this away from me."

"What is wrong with you, woman?" Thor walked to me, and shook his head at me, and my apparent madness. "Did he use his charm spells on you? Or make you see things that are not real, so that you'd lose your mind? He has wounded you badly, and as was my fear, your life is in danger in his hands. Surely you can see that? I asked a favor from you, but now I release you from our agreement. You should be content with this result, instead of feeling despair."

"Your Highness..." I began, my voice shaking, hardy able to speak in my anguish. "I have been in this prison for a long time, and I know I'll never be free. It might be as you said, even if I don't believe it to be so, that he used his magic on me. Or perhaps all what happened between me and him, has been just an illusion... But the truth is, that I do not care. These brief moments that I have spent with your brother - they have been a blessing. It is as if my heart had been made of stone, and now suddenly I can feel it beating again. I feel reborn. I know I am nothing, that my life is worth nothing - but when I'm with him, I feel like I'm shining. Like a moon, that is reflecting a star's light, I too reflect just a hint of his light, and it is enough to make my heart sing."

"I do not understand you." Thor sighed and I saw the confusion in his eyes. "Have you let him in your heart? Is it so, that you have fallen in love with him?"

"I do not dare to call it love, My Lord." I managed a small smile. "For how could a flower love the Sun? But I do admit, that I have come to need him. Only in his presence can I feel alive. My Lord, I beg of you - no, I pray; do not take this away from me." I walked to him, and looked him in the eye, forgetting my place in my desperate need. "I know that my life is over. No one will ever love me, no one will ever marry me. I shall never have a family. The short moments with your brother, are all I have. Have mercy on me, Your Highness, and do not take them away from me."

Thor sighed, and his eyes went dark. I could tell he was not happy with me at all, but I hardly cared. He shook his head and ran his fingers through his blond hair as if to clear his thoughts.

"I hear what you say, but still in my heart I know this has been a mistake, and one of mine." he noted after a while.

"My whole life is a mistake, so it is only fitting."

"Alright." He finally gave in. "You are a stubborn one, but it is in your blood to be so. I assent to your request. "

"Oh, thank you, My Lord." I breathed, and fell on my knees at his feet. "I thank you from my heart."

But he held out his hand, and pulled me up. His ice-blue eyes were full of doubt when he looked at me, and said, "You may thank me now, but I fear for the future. He will hurt you again. You know it."

"If it is his wish to do so, I will not object." I looked down, to hide my eyes. I didn't speak my mind to him, not the innermost truth.

The truth, that every inch of me longed for Loki's touch, so desperately, that I gladly would have given my life, just to get those beautiful hands on me one more time. For even the pain he caused me, was sweet, like nectar to my dying soul, and it had began to change me.

Something, long forgotten, had began to wake inside of my heart, and though I didn't know it then, it was about to change my whole life.


	5. Disobedience

I stood in front of him again, just stood in my place, and let his piercing gaze glide on me.

He observed me as if I was an interesting specimen, but I could see a hint of discontent in his eyes too. His green eyes (hadn't they been blue before, or was I indeed losing my mind?) narrowed as he gazed at me, and I knew he was unhappy with what he saw. He brought his delicate index finger to his lips, as if considering his options.

"Undress." He suddenly said, silently, but it was a command nevertheless.

I did as I was told, and opened the laces of my dress, letting it it fall to my feet.

He stayed motionless for a few heartbeats, his gaze travelling through all of my now fading bruises. The look in his eyes revealed nothing, but I noticed his sharp adam's apple moving under the skin of his neck.

Suddenly he turned his back on me, and walked to the other end of the room, leaving me standing there, alone and naked. He crossed his hands behind his back, and only the tension of his fists, gave me any hint of his restlessness.

"And I was so sure he wouldn't send you back to me." He said at last, his voice sweet and dark like wine. "Not after seeing you like that."

I gulped, and looked down. Had Thor been right after all, about Loki wanting to send a message by hurting me?

"Is that why you did this, My Lord? To get rid of me?"

"I hardly want to get rid of you." He sighed, and turned around. With all the grace of a prince he walked to me, but his eyes were still dark as he grabbed my chin and tilted my face upwards. "I must admit, that I have began to... enjoy your company, little human. It would be a great pity to lose it now."

His words left me speechless, for even if I knew he had enjoyed having me, it still was intoxicating to hear him say it. I felt my cheeks blushing, and a small smile played in the corner of his mouth as he noticed it.

"Why are you here, little one? Wasn't last time enough for you? Did Thor force you to come back?"

"No, My Lord."

"Then why are you here?"

"Because I want to."

"Oh, that's interesting." He turned to look at me again. "So you do have a will of your own."

"So it would seem, My Lord."

I remembered Thor calling me a stubborn one just the day before, and now this. I did have a will of my own, didn't I? I used to have, but it had been broken so thoroughly, so many times by so many people, that I had lost it, almost forgotten that it ever existed.

Loki's eyes glinted as he looked at me, as if he could read my thoughts.

"You can call me Loki." He shrugged. "You've earned that right."

I hesitated. I remembered all too well how he had lashed at me last time, reminding me of my place. Apparently so did he, as he neared me again, and placed his hand gently on my cheek, caressing me as if I was a scared child.

"Don't be frightened." he bent to whisper the words to my ear. "I won't hurt you. Just say my name."

"Loki." I breathed, the taste of the word sweet on my lips.

"Good girl." he chuckled, his fingers slowly travelling from my cheek to my lips. "I like the sound of your voice as you say my name, but I'll like it even more when I make you scream it."

His words sent an electric shock through my body, and he no doubt noticed it. His fingers brushed my lips gently, and then slowly travelled down, following my neck to my collarbones.

I felt my nipples hardening, and a small moan escaped my lips - and his beautiful lips curved into a wicked smile.

"Tell me now, pretty one, who is your Master?"

"You are." I managed to breath. His fingers aimlessly travelled down, to my breasts, to my hardened nipples, and he laughed silently as he palmed my breast and squeezed it so that I moaned.

"Apparently." he noted. "Your body is already mine, it craves for me to subjugate it. But that feisty spirit of yours - oh, don't think you can fool me - I know you have one. Who is the master of that?"

But I couldn't answer, for his other hand had found the place where my legs join my body, and I moaned, as he gently, teasingly brushed my pubic hair with his knuckles - all the while tugging on my nipple with his other hand.

He chuckled again, hearing my desperate moan, and let go of my breast, taking suddenly a firm grip of my neck, and pulling me closer.

"Open your legs." he hissed, and once again I obeyed.

His fingers spread my folds, and I gasped, as I felt them entering me. It was almost unbearable, the heat that was growing inside of me, making my heart pound and my head spin, and I knew if he'd only have mercy on me, if he'd only touch my most sensitive spot, I'd surely-

"So wet for me, already." he whispered into my ear. "Or is it for me?"

Agonizingly he pulled his hand away, and I moaned in despair. "Please, My Lord, please-"

"Hush, little one." he grabbed my shoulders now, and pushed me against the wall. "You still haven't answered my question."

I groaned, as he again laid his fingers on me, and still he deliberately avoided touching my clit. With slow circles he massaged me, making me pant and squirm, until I was nothing but a shivering mess in his hands.

"Tell me." he groaned into my ear. "All this sweet wetness of your womanhood - who is it for?"

"For you, My Lord." I breathed.

"Say my name." he pushed two fingers inside of me.

"Loki!" I breathed. "Please, please, Loki, please-"

"Stop that pleading!" He snapped, but I could feel him grinning sinfully, as his lips were on my neck now. "And tell me the truth. Who is the Master of your spirit, of your will? Is it my brother - Thor?"

His question shook me, but I was shaking already, so I don't know if he noticed. He was pinning me against the wall and his lips were sucking on my neck on a way I knew would leave marks. And all the while his fingers worked their way in and out of me, on a slow, agonizing rhythm.

"Thor…. only….sent...me… here -ah!" I panted, and cried out loud, as he suddenly bit on my neck.

"So he didn't make you his first?" Loki inquired, his fingers still deep inside of me. "He didn't make you squeal and squirm like I do?"

"No…." God, it was almost impossible to speak! My legs were shaking, my muscles clenching tight, and I couldn't think of anything else, but the aching sensation on my clit - which he was still avoiding to touch.

"Good girl." he said. "I might even consider giving you some pleasure now that we've settled that."

But instead of giving me what I yearned for, he pulled his hand away, and stepped back. "Who is your master?" he asked once more, giving me a stern gaze.

I leaned on the wall, still panting, desperate, a need like an ocean filling my aching body. "You are."

"And what does that make you?"

"Your slave."

He gave me a sinful, wicked grin, and chuckled to himself.

"Then kneel before me, slave girl, and do as you're told - and you might be rewarded."

I didn't reply, but simply obeyed - falling on my knees before him.

With slow, deliberate moves he opened his trousers, and pulled out his already rock hard erection. It was dark red, almost purple, and the pattern of veins was pulsing hard under the skin. It was intoxicating to see it, for it made it clear, that I wasn't the only one in need. I wasn't the only one who'd been turned on by the things he had just put me through.

I didn't hesitate this time, as I took his cock in my mouth, all the way until it hit the back of my throat - just the way I had learned he liked, and he made a deep growl of pleasure as I pulled my head back and forth a few times. His taste was all salt and musk, and his fingers were in my hair, gripping hard on my head.

I loved what I did to him, how much he enjoyed my touch.

The way he moved, sliding in and out between my lips, the way he groaned hitting my throat, the way his hands gripped on my hair.

But still, I couldn't help but to wonder - was this all he was going to give me today? Would he leave me like this, all turned on, all begging for his touch - or would he make me truly his, as he had the last time?

For I was shaking with desperate need - to have him inside of me, to have his shaft enter me deep, so deep it would make me forget everything else. I wanted him to fill the emptiness that surged inside of my core, to give me all the pleasure I could take.

And just when those thoughts emerged in my mind, he pulled his cock out of my mouth and offered me his hand to help me to my feet. I gave one last kiss on the tip of his shaft, licked on it, let my tongue circle it one more time, before I took his hand and stood up.

"You give me too much pleasure with your sweet lips." He groaned, and kissed me hard on the lips. His breathing was fast, and his voice hoarse as continued. "It almost makes me forget what else there is in you."

"It's all for you, Loki." I breathed, and kissed him. He shifted nervously as I wrapped my arms around his neck, but this time he didn't push my arms away. I felt how his muscles stiffened, but he endured my affection, and let me snuggle closer to him.

My heart beat like the wings of a hummingbird, and my breasts were squeezed against his chest. I felt clearly his pulsing erection against my abdomen, and it made me squirm. I wanted it so much it hurt! Noticing my need, he grabbed his arms around me, and pulled me even closer, moving his hands to my hair as he kept on kissing my lips - hard, so that his teeth scraped my lip and I gasped.

He pulled away from the kiss immediately.

"I do not want to hurt you." He breathed, his voice low and raspy. "Not this time."

"I do not mind it, I really don't." I sighed. "Please, Loki-"

"You don't know what you're talking about, you little fool."

"I know that I want yout." I managed to say, and pulled his hand on my bare chest. "And I don't care about anything else."

He didn't answer, but his fingers cupped on my breast, their warmth feeling divine on my skin. My nipples - already hard of all the arousal, were so sensitive it made me moan. And suddenly he grabbed my nipple, pinched it so that the desire shot through me like lightning. I gasped for air, and he chuckled, repeating what he had just done - tugging on my nipple until I was shivering from head to toe.

"So responsive to my touch." he breathed to my ear. "Your body know's it's master, it would seem."

I tried to say something, but I couldn't get words to form in my mind. All that there was in me, was the agonizing need to have him, and just as agonizing fear that he'd leave me without a reward. But suddenly he let go of my breast, and grabbed me into his arms and carried me to the divan. Very gently he laid me down on it, then sharply pulled my hips on the edge, and spread my legs open.

I made a surprised yelp, feeling so utterly exposed in front of him, but he laughed - his voice dark and sweet as night - and knelt between my thighs.

"Oh, dear Lord, no..." I begged, and hid my face in my hands. But then his lips were on me, and I lost all sense. I was already so wet, and shivering under his touch, so sensitive that even the feather light touch of his lips made me moan. The sensation was more than anything I had been prepared to take - and he knew just how to push my buttons. All the thoughts left my brain, as his tongue teased me. It found all the most sensitive places, now my clit too, and he gave me no mercy, relentlessly sucking on it until I was right there on the edge, sobbing and crying out his name.

"Oh, Loki, please…!" I moaned. "For Yggdrasil's sake, my God, oh my God, I-"

My back arched off the divan and my hands spread like wings on my sides. I grabbed on the dark velvet, and hang on it like my life depended on it. His tongue moved on long, slow strokes between my folds now, and every time it found my clit, he pressed on it a bit harder, and gave it a small suck that caused me to cry out.

I had lost all control - my body so weak, so helpless under his touch. But his control on me was complete. He gave me just enough pleasure to push me to the edge - but not enough to give me what I desperately needed.

I gasped for air, and begged for him to let me come, but he laughed softly, and pulled his face up, wiping his mouth on his hand.

And then, with one fast move he grabbed me and turned me around, pulled me to the floor so that I was kneeling in front of him, my chest resting on the divan. I heard his soft laughter behind me, and felt as he spread my legs - and pushed deep inside with one, long thrust.

I cried out loud, as his cock opened me, stretched me, filled me like I needed it to do. And when I was still trying to adjust to the sensation, I felt his hand reaching to my frontside and finding my clit. It only took a few hard thrusts, and a gentle brush on my clit, and I came screaming.

I cried out loud, all my muscles clenching tight around his shaft, my legs spasming, my lungs desperately gasping for air. And finally my orgasm let me come down again, I felt my muscles relaxing and I realized I was still kneeling on the floor - and his erection was still rock hard inside of me.

And now he was gentle no more. His fingers gripped on my hips hard, and he began to move, pulling me closer with every fierce thrust. I was so sensitive after my orgasm, that I felt every inch of his cock as it entered me, pounding hard inside of me, finding all my spots of pleasure.

I hadn't thought it possible, but the way he moved inside of me, made my arousal stir up again. I felt it growing, making me moan and shiver again, until he was moving inside of me so fast and so hard that I was on the edge of a yet another orgasm.

"Please, Loki, I… Ah!" I moaned, but his only answer was to push so deep inside of me, that it made me see stars - and then to pull out completely.

I cried out with despair - the emptiness he left inside of me was more than I could take. But he wasn't done with me just yet. He grabbed me in his arms, sat down on the divan and pulled me into his lap so that my knees were on the seat, my thighs on both sides of his hips.

Our faces were so close to each other now, that I felt his fast, warm breathing on my lips, and my mouth watered. He pulled me into a gentle, sweet kiss, but his hands were on my hips, and their touch was demanding and hard. My hands shaking I grabbed his shaft and guided it in.

Oh, it felt so good! His erection was so hard and so long, and it cut right through me. I could've sworn it filled every inch of my aching core, reaching up to my sternum, pushing all sense out of me. I was a shivering mess in his arms, as he began to move, circling his hips slowly under me, so that his cock pushed right on my sweet spots with every sway.

I was so close, I knew I couldn't take this much longer. Droplets of sweat were dripping on my back, my breathing was thin, my heart pounded like crazy in my chest.

I had never felt such sensations in my life, and desperately I wrapped my arms around his neck, buried my fingers in his hair, and rocked my hips against his, unable to stop myself.

"Oh, Loki…!" I moaned, as he sunk deep inside of me, the base of his cock pressing on my clit. "Oh my God, I'm-"

"Not yet!" he hissed, and grabbed me hard. "Wait!"

His command was sharp, but I couldn't obey. My body betrayed me, and screaming his name I came, a mind blowing orgasm washing over me like a tidal wave.

"Disobedient!" He snapped, but I heard the dark grin in his voice, as I finally came to, and exhausted I collapsed against his chest. His strong arms held me on place, and even if his shaft was still hard inside of me, he gave me a moment to catch my breath.

His hands moved to my back, and caressed me gently, grabbed my hips, and he began to move again, swaying his hips slowly under me.

"You didn't wait for me." he said, his voice cool and dark.

I was afraid to meet his eyes, so I buried my face in his neck, but his fingers were suddenly on my hair, and he pulled my head back so that I had to look him in the eye.

"That was disobedient of you." he stated. "I didn't give you a permission to come yet."

"I'm sorry." I breathed, and would've blushed had my cheeks not been burning already.

"Impatient human." he snarled. "But no matter. It'll only give me an opportunity to punish you later, to remind you of your place."

To punish me? The thought filled me with fear - and anticipation. What was his punishment going to be like?

But the thought was pushed off my head, as he began to move again, and this time he didn't go easy on me. He grabbed me by hips, burying his fingers in my skin, and pinned me on my place, fucking me hard - his every thrust deep and fast.

And then, suddenly I saw how his jaw clenched, he made a deep, wolfish groan - and stiffened, emptying himself in me.


	6. My freedom

I had never been as exhausted in my life. The pleasures he had given me had taken all I had, and I'd never felt as small and as vulnerable as in his arms after he'd finished with me.

But he cradled me in his arms, as if I was a child, and let me catch my breath, and my head lolled on his shoulder.

I hadn't realized how sweaty I was, but he didn't seem to mind. Aimlessly his fingers caressed my back, until I had cooled down, and was in fact shivering. Now that the heat was leaving me, I noticed it was rather cool in the room.

"Are you cold, little one?" he asked me then, as if sensing my moods.

I gave a small nod, still unable to speak out loud, but it seemed to be sufficient, for he stood up, still carrying me in his arms as if I weighed nothing - which probably was the case, as he was a God and thus very strong.

He carried me to the other end of his cell, and a doorway emerged on the wall, revealing a small, but very elegant bathroom.

I repressed the envy that struck me like a spear.

Yes, he was a prince of Asgård - it was only natural he had it better than the rest of us. We ordinary criminals had no private bathrooms - we had to settle to having a shower once in five days, in a common shower room - which I can tell you, is _not_ nice.

He must've noticed my aw, as he chuckled silently and squeezed me a bit tighter against his strong, muscular chest. He had removed his shirt at some point, and I had the privilege to feel his cool, smooth skin against my own. His arms around me were gentle, as if he was holding a small bird, as he carried me across the room to a rather large, circular bathtub, made of white marble, and set me down on the hot water.

I didn't bother to ponder too long on the fact, that there was a steaming hot bath waiting for me, but the thoughts just flashed through my mind.

Had he planned this beforehand? Made the bath for me? And if so, why did he bother?

Or was there constantly a bath waiting for _him_?

Or was it just an illusion - though it felt real enough, the hot water on my weary skin, and my aching body.

I let myself sink under the surface, so that the water closed on top of my head. For a few heartbeats the world shrank into a bubble, and I was alone in a dream of hot, scented water, the only sound my own heartbeat that echoed in the tub.

After a moment raised my head above the surface, and took a look at Loki. He was standing by the door, leaning on the wall, still bare chested, but wearing his leather pants. He was observing me, his face calm and revealing no emotion, his green eyes were like deep forest ponds, and there was a small smile on his regal lips.

"Will you not join me?" I asked, wiping the water off my face.

He shook his head. "I'd rather just watch you - the sight pleases me. You need this bath more than I do."

"I thank you, My Lord."

Suddenly I felt very emotional, and forgot that he had given the permission to call him by name, but he said none of it.

How easy it is to break a person, I thought. The years I had suffered as a slave, and after that as a prisoner, had taken their toll on me. I had truly began to believe I was worth nothing - and now a God was being merciful to me.

All he had to give me, was some affection and a hot bath, and I would've done anything for him.

Not many things go unnoticed by the god of mischief, so I think he must've noticed my mood, but he didn't comment on it. He gave me some time to collect myself, as he silently walked to the tub, and sat down on it's edge. He placed his hand on my shoulder, and it was cool, almost cold, as his long thin fingers glided on my wet skin. Aimlessly he let his fingers move to my hair, to brush my wet curls that fell on my back and shoulders like a curtain of red flames.

"I do enjoy watching you." He said suddenly, after a long silence. "You have enough Asgårdian blood to raise you above other humans."

"Thank you." I said again. "Though I have little knowledge of other humans, so I cannot know if I am that different from them. I was no more than four years old, when I was taken from my mother. I can't even remember her face, not to mention other people."

"They are an inferior race, I'm afraid. Most of them are worth nothing." He snorted. "Their life is empty and disoriented, meaningless. They have forgotten how to live a decent life, and they no longer respect the Gods. Without someone to rule them, to guide them, they are a lost people."

I knew what he was talking about. Even if I was a prisoner, I hadn't been in a void. I've heard people talk - guards and other prisoners. I knew well enough why Loki was here. He had had the courage I wish I'd have, a will to pursue his dream, to take what he had been promised.

"What kind of a world is it?" I asked, leaning my head on his knee - he shifted nervously, but didn't tell me to move. "You've been there, I hear. Would you please tell me about it? I do not remember much of anything. Nothing more than my mother's voice, and a house with a small garden ... it must have been my home. This I remember, and the scent of flowers as the trees in the garden blossomed. Is it a beautiful world, Loki? Is it still-"

But I couldn't find the words, they got caught in my throat.

He let go of me and turned his face so that I couldn't see it. "Despite it's people, Midgård _is_ a beautiful world. Nothing like Asgård of course, but it has it's own beauty. If I could, I'd take you there. You'd be a like a queen among the humans."

"And you their king?" I dared to ask.

"It was my birthright to be one." He hissed, his whole from tensing up. "I was raised to believe, that there was a throne waiting for me, so it was only natural that I sought to have one. You have no doubt heard all about it, as the guards are no more than a gossiping heard of imbeciles."

"They talk, that is true, but there is also truth in your words. You _are_ a prince, and you are made to rule."

"What is a truth, my little human?" He asked with a dark laugh, and placed his hand on my head, ran his fingers through my curls. "Nothing but an empty word, overrated by many. A real truth does not exist. And even if it did, I would give it little value. Truth doesn't serve the God of Lies, does it?"

Afraid to speak my mind, I said nothing. I looked at the profile of his face, the arch of his nose, the refined line of his lips - that was now clenched tight. There was anxiety in his look, and suddenly he got up on his feet, and began to pace the room.

"I'm not going to spend the eternity in this place." He spread his hands to point the smallness of his cell. "They think they can lock me in here ... as if I would spend the rest of my days in this pitiful room, staring at the ceiling and reading books." His lips curved into a dark smile. "I _will_ I get out of here. There is always a way. Something will happen, that creates the opportunity."

"You're planning to escape?" I whispered. He might have cast an illusion to hide us from the guards, but It didn't hurt to be cautious.

But he gave a soft laugh. "Even if I was, would I really tell _you_ about it? You're nothing but my brother's little spy, are you not? He told you, to tell him _everything_ I might say. Everything that might reveal my intentions with him, or my situation. Am I not right, my little pet?"

His words were smooth like velvet, but they struck my heart like a spear. It was suddenly hard to breathe and my mouth turned dry, but I didn't even try to lie to him. I knew it would be pointless.

"As always, you are correct." I answered.

"And there you thought you could hide it from me."

"You did not ask." I replied. "Now that you did, I told you."

"And what have you told _Thor,_ my little spy?" He walked near the tub again, stopped to stand next to me and just looked at me, his eyes calm, cold and distant. "What exactly have you told to my brother about our meetings?"

"There hasn't been a lot to tell!" I lashed at him. "You know it well enough, _my Lord._ You have barely said a dozen words to me, and none of them of any interest to your brother. As if he'd want to know about the ways you've subjugated me, and made me yours! I've told him nothing of the ways you touch me, or how does it make my heart race. The things that now mean the world to me, mean nothing to him - and there is nothing else for me to tell, for you haven't given me any."

"And what else am I supposed to give you?" He asked very quietly, his eyes suddenly so cold and blue, that it made me shiver. "You're a prostitute and a spy. You are nothing more than my servant, at best my pet. I will do to you whatever pleases me, and you'd be wise to remember your place, wench."

"As my Lord commands." I replied, but the first time I didn't look down in front of his stern gaze. From somewhere inside of me, rose a surge of defiance and anger - and for the first time I questioned my reasons to be with him.

Slowly I got up on my feet, and climbed away from the tub. I did not care that I was soaking wet, and left a trail of water on the floor. I walked out of the bathroom naked, and found my dress from the floor of his cell, and pulled it on me the best I could.

Anger was still burning in my chest, making it hard to breath, making my head spin.

I don't even know why I was so angry.

I _had_ served him willingly, gladly, enjoying every second of it. I had given my body for him to use as he wished, knowing I had no right to claim him as my own, knowing he'd never truly care for me. I had done it, for it had offered me an escape of my unbearable loneliness, for the sad truth was, that I had been so alone for such a long time, that I probably would have sold myself to any willing male.

But Loki was no ordinary man, as he had told me himself.

He was the prince of Asgård and the God of Lies, and he was as unreachable and beautiful to me, as the sky.

For many a lonely day, had I lay on the floor of my cell, just admiring his beauty - even before Thor approached me with his proposal.

But little had I known of the ways Loki would make me feel.

How his touch, his mere presence would become like the air I breathed, like a blinding sun on my sky.

I should've known, that once blinded, you get lost. For his light would make my world shrink, his words would make my heart ache, and everything about the way he had touched me, would only remind me of the things that would never be mine.

Standing there naked, my soul as exposed as my body, I truly felt like nothing at all. Like I was a chess piece on the board, being played by two Gods. What a sad way to live the rest of my days, pathetic even.

But it wasn't Loki's fault, not really.

I hadn't expected for him to treat me kindly - but perhaps I had hoped he'd only use my body. That he wouldn't make me _feel_ again.

For _feeling_ was a bitch.

After years of being dead inside, null and empty, I was now overwhelmed by the feelings he caused me.

Love. Lust. Desire. Longing. Happiness. Gratefulness.

Hate. Despair. Pain. Worthlessness. Loneliness. Rage.

The feelings got stuck on my throat and my stomach, and my hands were shaking.

God, it had been so much easier not to feel!

What right did he have to play me like this?

His silent footsteps followed me out of the bathroom, and with most elegant moves he picked his shirt from a chair it had been thrown, and pulled it back on. He looked at me for a few heartbeats - observed me like I was an interesting specimen, a cold smile playing on his thin lips.

"You are angry with me." He noted at last.

"Your favorite feeling, was it not?" I snapped, turning my back at him. "I hope it pleases _My Lord_."

He chuckled, amused, but I walked further away from him, to the other end of his cell. I was still dripping water, and my simple white dress was clinging to my skin. I knew I must look ridiculous, like a toddler having a fit, but I was still so angry, I just didn't care.

Yes, I had tried to spy on him. _Tried_ \- for it was true I had told Thor nothing of interest.

That hardly gave Loki the right to treat me like a fool.

I had walked to the other end of the room, to a small table with a wine carafe and a golden bowl full of fruit. Of course he would have wine and fresh fruit in his cell, being the Prince of Asgård. I rolled my eyes.

Add 'envy' to the list of undesired feelings.

But just then a glimpse of something caught my eye. _Something_ in the bowl, with the fruits.

His soft, dark laughter interrupted my thoughts, and I turned to look at him. He was leaning on the wall, his arms crossed on his chest, and he was watching me with a sly smile.

"What is your name?" he asked suddenly, out of the blue.

"My name?" I was startled. "Why do you ask?"

"It's only fitting to know the name of my little slave, is it not? You do have one, I presume?"

"Oh, I have one." I stated, turning my gaze away from him, for I didn't want to talk to him, I didn't want to tell him my name. For now that he knew I had tried to spy on him, I suspected he had no good intentions towards me.

Somehow giving him my body had been a lot easier, than giving him my name - but I had little choice. I knew he'd get it out of me one way or another.

"My name is Alva." I shrugged. "It is a human name, I hear. A name that was given me by my mother."

"Alright, _Alva_. Tell me, have you ever wondered why Thor chose _you_ to entertain me?"

"In fact I have." I replied. "I am not the obvious choice."

"Oh!" he chuckled. "So you do think, do you? It does please me to see, that you are capable of doing other things than just spreading your pretty legs for me. But tell me, Alva, why do you think Thor chose you?"

"There wasn't a lot of competition." I shrugged. "He needed a woman for the job, obviously, and there isn't a hoard of us in Odin's basement. And it had to be a prisoner, for your noble brother would not bear to prostitute a decent citizen. So I'm guessing it was me or the green skinned orc on the cell beside me - but I'm thingkin you wouldn't have warmed to her looks. Or what the hell do I know, perhaps you'd fucked her sensless too."

"You have a bad mouth for such a pretty little slave girl." he noted darkly. "I might have to spank that defiance out of you."

"You might." I snapped. "It's hardly my place to argue with your decisions."

But to my surprise he only laughed, and did nothing to act on his threat.

"Thor knows me better than I'd like to admit." Loki's voice was soft and dark as night. "I do like your looks, as I have said multiple times. It has been pleasing to hear the screams you make when I invade you."

His words made me blush despite my moods. But I still didn't turn to face him, for as the anger was leaving me, it left me weary and depressed.

"If Thor simply wanted to send a spy, he would've done better job choosing anyone but me. I am useless in the task he gave me, and he must've known I would fail."

"Then perhaps he simply wanted to send me a gift." Loki said, mockingly, and there was a sharp edge on his voice. "Maybe he did a better job than you think. Had you come here full of clever lies, I would've seen through you in a heartbeat. It takes one to know one, they say. You wouldn't have gotten a thing out of me, and I'd sent you back to him in pieces."

"I't hardly makes any difference." I shrugged again. "I didn't get anything from you as it is."

 _And even if my body is whole, my heart certainly is in pieces._

But I didn't say my last thought out loud. I lowered my gaze back to the fruit bowl, and raised my hand to it's edge. Loki didn't see what I did, for I was standing between him and the table, so I could carefully pick up the small object I had seen among the fruits. Quickly I sneaked it up my sleeve, and then turned to face him.

"I must object." He said, looking me in the eye now. "I don't think you have failed. On the contrary - I feel you have been very successful on your tasks."

"My tasks?" I asked, raising an eyebrow, feeling my anger stirring in my heart again. "As in my tasks as your sex slave?"

But he laughed at my annoyance, grinning so wide I could see his beautiful, canine teeth.

"Your task was to entertain me, and that you have indeed accomplished." He replied. "Even your anger amuses me."

"But it doesn't amuse _me_." I said, and walked towards the front wall of the cell, very close to the glass-like force field and it's golden patterns. "I'm tired, and I wish to leave."

"As you wish." He said, and walked closer to me. He raised his hand to signal the guard who was standing just outside the wall in the hallway, and soon a pair of other guards joined him to take me away from Loki.

But just as I was leaving his cell, Loki suddenly grabbed my arm and looked me straight in the eye, a curious look in his cold, blue eyes.

"You've gotten more than you admit. Do not be a fool, and misuse it."

I did not answer, I simply looked down and and walked away from him. But in my sleeve a small object pressed on my skin, it burned on me like it was on fire and I just couldn't get to my cell fast enough.

But only when the night was dark, and I should've been deep in sleep, had I the courage to dig it out of me sleeve.

A small fruit knife. So tiny and pitiful and blunt, that someone had allowed Loki to have it in his cell. It was obvious no one could flee from a prison with it.

But in that small knife, I saw my freedom.

In the darkness of the night, I pressed it to the skin of my wrist and cut, cut as deep and hard as I could - biting my lip to supress my cries.

It took me some time to get the blood flowing, but when it did, It's warmness soothed me, and the darkness that soon took me, was blissful.


	7. Awakening

I lay on a bed, on a bed that wasn't my own.

Oh, by Yggdrasil, I had failed!

A despair that followed that realization was as deep and dark as an ocean, and it took a while to gather enough strength to try and remember.

Knife.

A small, blunt knife in my hand - I could still feel how I had gripped on it and cut my own flesh.

I had thought I'd be free. Perhaps I would've gotten to Valhalla (or perhaps not, for I knew well enough I hadn't lived a life worthy of such ending). Or maybe there was a place where human souls went after dying. I knew nothing of it, of course, but it might be the modern Gods of humanity would've taken pity on my poor soul and let me go to… where? I didn't know. Besides, Loki had said the humans didn't believe in God's anymore.

Nevertheless, I had failed. There was no Valhalla, nor any kind of other afterlife offered for me at the moment. Not even blissful darkness that would make it all stop.

My failure pierced my heart like a dagger, and the pain tore my eyes open, and I forced myself to look at my left wrist. There was a thick bandage covering it from fingers all the way to my elbow, so I couldn't see my wounds - but the pain underneath told me they were very real.

 _Stupid,_ I thought to myself. _Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid-_

"I'm an ass." I said out loud. "Can't even kill myself."

"Why would you seek death? Why try to take your own life?" A low voice said from somewhere behind me, and startled I turned my aching head to follow the voice.

There was Thor, leaning on the wall beside the door, and staring at me with a very displeased look.

Oh Great. Just the person I wanted to see after my failed suicide attempt.

"Good morning to you too, Your Highness." I muttered, and closed my eyes again.

"It is yet an evening, not a morning."

"It hardly matters to me."

"Look at me, Alva." He commanded, and his voice was the one of a person used to commanding people. I had no strength in me to disobey, so I opened my eyes, and noticed that he had walked closer, and sat down on a chair by my bed.

"The guards found you on the floor of your cell, lying on a pool of blood. You were unconscious, but luckily it is very hard to kill oneself by cutting the wrists. Still, you should consider yourself lucky: you could've suffered permanent injuries from the blood loss, or you could've lost your hand. I hear it was close."

I stayed silent for a long time.

I should've stabbed my throat. Or my heart. Or my stomach. That would've probably done it. But no matter, it was too late now. It would take forever to get a chance like this again.

Finally, I replied to him, asking the only thing that any longer had some meaning to me: "Has anyone told Loki?"

Thor's eyes went dark, but he nodded. "Yes."

"How did he react?"

Thor shrugged. "Who knows. He does not reveal much of his true feelings."

A deep sigh escaped my lips when I thought about Loki. His beautiful eyes, his dark, smooth voice… the words he had spoken to me as I had left his cell.

"He is going to be so mad at me." I breathed.

"Quite possibly."

"Though I don't flatter myself by imagining that he would really care about me... He made it very clear the last time I saw him."

"He cares, or he does not." Thor replied. "I do not know if there is enough good in his heart, to truly care about another person."

"Oh, yes, there is good in him." I stated, silently. "It's just buried very deep, deep under many layers of pain and mistrust. But whether any of that good is stored for me, I do not know. There were moments... good moments. But I suppose that's all over now - he probably won't want to see me anymore, not after what I've done."

"He has requested it." Thor said, and I heard the reluctance in his voice. "I have not decided if I can allow it."

"You would deny for him to see me?" I looked up to his dark, stormy eyes. "To punish him, or to punish me?"

"The both of you!" Thor snapped at me. "He gave you the knife, did he not?"

"I stole it from him. There's a difference." I turned my gaze away. "I do not know if he saw me do it, but if he did, he didn't let me know."

"Not many things go unnoticed by my brother."

"That is true." I remembered how Loki had grabbed me right before I had left. His words echoed in my head. "Maybe he did see me. Maybe he was simply curious to see what I would do with the knife. Perhaps he found the idea of me, trying to fight my way out of a prison with a fruit knife, amusing."

Thor snorted. "He would've seen the humor in it."

"Indeed."

"Why did you do it?" Thor suddenly asked, shaking his head. "Why did you try to take your own life?"

"I'm afraid you don't know me well enough to ask me something that personal, My Lord."

"After what you did today, I can ask you what ever pleases me." He replied serenely. "So, please, answer my question."

"Isn't it obvious?" I sighed, and rolled my eyes. "Why I did what I did."

"It isn't to me." He replied. "Did you really want to die? Or was it just for a show, a plot of some kind? Perhaps my brother persuaded you to do this?"

"The decision was mine. He was not involved in making it."

"Then why?" Thor snapped at me, and I realized that he was angry. Somehow that amused me. Why did he care? Why didn't he just let me die, and search someone else to do his dirty work?

"What of it, if I wanted to die?" I lashed back at him. "Would it really be so surprising? After spending a lifetime in prison, knowing that I'll never be free again, death does begin to look appealing."

"Still so?" He leaned closer to me. "Even after you began to-"

"Even after I began to sleep with your brother?" I raised an eyebrow. "I don't flatter myself by calling it anything else than that. It is clear to me, that he does not love me - nor will he ever feel that way." I closed my eyes, sighed and rested my heavy head on the pillow. "But of course I do love him. How could I not? It took me less than one heartbeat to fall for him, knowing nothing good could come out of it. Even If he did have feelings for me - which I don't think is the case - this would still end badly. I am a mortal. No matter how amazing... the little moments I've spent with him, I know that to him they are nothing. He will still be here, after my life has ended. When I die of old age, he will still be young and beautiful. So, when I lie alone on the floor of my cell, and keep breathing just for the hope of seeing him again, I can not help but to think that maybe it would be easier just to stop breathing."

Thor was silent for a long time, and when I glanced at him, his eyes were grey and dark, his lips pressed into a thin line.

"I understand what you're saying." He replied finally. "And I understand why you have been depressed. I want to express my apologies, that my proposition has caused you suffering. It was not my intention. I only thought-"

"I know what you though, My Lord." I snapped. "You thought about yourself and your interests. You didn't think about me at all, and I can hardly blame you for that, for even _I_ didn't think about me. I accepted your plan, because _I thought that I didn't deserve any better._ All my life I had been treated as a slave, so it's no wonder that I began to believe it."

"What's changed?" Thor asked, and his question made me stop.

What had changed, truly?

When in fact _had_ I stopped believing I should be treated like rubbish?

When was it, that I had grown a spine to be able to snap back at Thor - or to Loki? They were Gods! I should've been terrified to face them - as I had been just a few weeks ago.

I didn't know, but I realized it could not be a coincidence, this _awakening_ was happening now.

I decided this was something I really needed to ponder on, and preferably on my own, so I moved back to the topic that had been at hand.

"Nothing's changed." I lied, and shrugged. "You wanted to offer your brother some simple pleasures, and at the same time you wanted to get information of him, because for some reason you can't ask him yourself - or you don't trust his answers. And I have filled one side of our agreement - for he indeed has enjoyed me thoroughly. But to you, My Lord, I haven't been able to give what you asked of me.

"I take it you still have nothing to tell me, then."

I wondered for a moment, if I should mention what Loki had said, about not going to spend an eternity in his cell, but I decided not to.

Firstly, because it was obvious - Thor couldn't be dumb enough to believe his brother wouldn't plan for an escape. And I had nothing substantial to tell anyways, it wasn't like Loki had told me how or when was he going to go. But mainly… it would have felt like a betrayal.

Apparently I was no longer willing to be Thor's spy any more than I was willing to be a anyone's slave.

"No, My Lord, I have nothing to tell you."

Slowly Thor stood up. I could see, that he was displeased - with me, or with the whole situation, he wouldn't say.

"Get some rest, Alva." He finally said, and leaned over, and taking me by surprise, he gently tucked me in, pulling my blanket better on me. His hand stayed on my shoulder, squeezing it tenderly for a moment.

"My Lord, I ... can I still see him?" I hadn't intentioned to ask it, but the words simply escaped my lips.

Thor stopped, and frowned.

"It's not good for you."

"To Hell with what's good for me!" I protested, my voice hoarse in my throat. "If you won't even let me die, then let me _live_! If he would still have me, then let it be so."

"I shall think about it." Thor said, and turned to leave. "But if you do get to see him again, I shall expect more from you."

So, I had two Gods disappointed in me. And the truth was - I didn't give a fuck about it.

This _awakening_ -thing was really beginning to work for me.


	8. The secret Garden

**Wow, sorry it's been such a long time since my last update! Life's been a bitch. D: But here it is, a new chapter. Please, leave a review and let me know what you thought about it.**

* * *

I lay on my bed, staring out of the window.

This room had one, unlike my cell, which was deep underground. _One more reason to hurt yourself - you get a better view._

In silence I looked at the sky - how many years had I thought I'd never see it again? I had forgotten the shades of red and gold in the clouds at the sunset, and I had forgotten how green the leafs are on the trees, how beautiful the full moons on the sky.

I would've given the rest of my days for just one day in a garden. Or even for a one minute, just to sit under an apple tree and breath in the sweet, heavy scent of the milky white flowers, to hear the birds singing in the canopy.

 _It was your own doings that took all that from you_ , said a mocking voice in my head. _You're not in the prison for nothing_.

This really was _not_ the time to grow a conscience, I decided and pushed the nagging thought away. I never had felt remorse for killing my father, and I sure as Hell was not going to start now.

But my thoughts were interrupted by a sudden noise from the hallway.

"Empty the room!" a commanding voice echoed, and as I turned to look at the doorway, it continued "Healer, leave the prisoner."

I hadn't even noticed that I wasn't alone - that there had been a silent young woman sitting in the corner of my room, near the door. Now she quickly stood up, and left just as a armored guard stepped in to make sure I truly was alone.

"What is this-?" I began, but the words died on my lips as I saw who entered the room, accompanied by a dozen more heavily armed guards.

There he was, Loki, stepping into the room as casually as anyone could, considering he was chained by wrists and ankles, by heavy shackles that were connected to his neck as well.

He gave me a small smile, noticing my surprised expression, and my loss of words, but the smile was distant and cold like the sky on a winter day. Nevertheless it made my heart jump, and my cheeks blushed.

"Loki…" I began, and tried to sit up, but with a small movement of his hand, he gestured I shouldn't bother.

"Stay still, little one." He replied. He then turned to look at the guard who had ordered the healer to leave, and raised an eyebrow.

"Can we have some privacy?" Loki asked exaggerating his politeness, but his melodious voice full of scorn.

"Absolutely not." The guard replied bluntly. "Our orders are not to let you out of sight."

Loki gave a dry laugh, and shook his head, but didn't argue. Instead he gave a sideways glance to the guard, and stepped closer to my bed, grabbed a chair with his chained hands, and sat down on it by my bed. He managed to look unbearably handsome and elegant doing so, which only emphasized my own miserable condition.

"Are you angry with me?" I asked as soon as he laid his eyes on me, and my voice felt hoarse on my throat..

His eyes were ice blue, cold and displeased, and I knew the answer even before he spoke it out loud.

"Yes, I am angry. You gave yourself to me willingly, and thus you are mine. I do not take it lightly when my property is mishandled. But for obvious reasons I can not punish you now, for disobeying me." he stared at me coldly for a few heartbeats. "That's the second punishment waiting to take place, is it not? It makes me wonder, if I was foolish to accept you as my… companion. I do not like my slaves disobedient."

"Yet you were the one who encouraged me to feel anger, rage even." I breathed.

"But not towards me."

"Then perhaps I was the one who was foolish."

"Ah, so keen to argue, and yet so keen to give up." His laughter was dark as night, and it made me shiver. "You do intrigue me, little human."

"Is that why you are here? To laugh at me? To tease me?" I looked up to his eyes, and suddenly I felt weary, and very tired. "If that is so, then you find me at a bad moment. I don't feel up to a verbal duel, being busy bleeding to death and all."

"You are hardly dying. The healers made sure of that, I hear. Besides, one cannot easily kill herself with a fruit knife."

"Yet another failure of mine. You do have a habit of noticing them." I noted bitterly, and looked away from him. "If that's all you are here for, I must ask you to leave me be. I might not have been able to kill myself, but I am indeed wounded and I need the rest."

He was silent for a moment, just eyeing me, evaluating me, as if he wasn't quite sure what kind of a being I was. But I didn't meet his eyes, I looked out of the window and stared at the sky, at the sunset that turned the world to all shades of gold and red.

"You misunderstand me, Alva." He finally said, and now his voice was suddenly soft and quiet. "That's not why I'm here at all."

"Then why are you here?" I asked.

"To accept your apology."

" _My_ apology?"

"Oh, yes." he stated. "You were very foolish to harm yourself, and as I said I don't take it lightly when something of mine is treated badly."

"So you are going to make _me_ apologize to _you_ , for hurting me?"

I stared at him for a few heartbeats, but he didn't even blink.

"Yes." He tilted his head, and raised an eyebrow. "Or if you'd rather not, I'll be happy to leave you be, as you requested. But somehow I doubt that is what you really want."

Damn him, that arrogant, know-it-all god! I felt an anger bubbling inside of my belly, but I had to admit that was not the only reason my blood was hot for him.

Would I really stand it, if I never saw him again?

Hadn't I just the day before begged of Thor, that I'd be able to see Loki again? Had I not admitted that I… that I loved him? That every cell of my body needed him, like I needed the air I breathed?

I bit my lip, and swallowed my anger. My voice was silent, and I looked down, when I finally spoke.

"I apologize. Please, forgive me."

"What you did, was not wise, and I am displeased with you. But I do accept your apology."

I shrugged, and looked down, to my hands that lay on my lap. The other one bandaged from fingertips up to my elbow.

"I didn't do it to anger you, even if I left you in anger." I admitted.

"Then why did you do it?"

I took a deep breath, searching for the right words. Why indeed? Had I not been _happy_ the last few weeks? Or at least as happy, as a person with no soul, no life, can be?

"It was just something I've wanted for a long time." I finally answered. "I saw a chance, and decided to take it."

"I do not understand you." Loki said, and for the first time I could hear something, like a shadow of a hidden emotion, in his voice. "You are not immortal, your life is short as it is - a few hundred years at most. Why would you wish to make it even shorter than it is?"

"Perhaps I'm just that different from you." I whispered. "I do not share your passion for life, I don't have that instinct to survive, to always fall on my feet, like you do."

"And I think you are lying." he stated darkly. "There is a desire in you, I have seen it. I have felt it. A desire to _live._ "

"But this is hardly living, is it? The rest of my days in an underground cell… oh Heavens, I'd rather _die_ than spend another year or ten in that hole, without a chance to see the sky again!"

"So it is the sky you miss?" he asked with a soft tone, and somehow I was swept into saying things I had never told anyone before. Things almost forgotten.

"Yes, I miss it. So much, it's almost painful to see it now. But I miss it among many things, all of them lost to me."

"Then tell me about them, Alva."

I hesitated for a moment, but his eyes were kind and the small smile on his lips was soft, and I felt all small and vulnerable in front of him.

Why shouldn't I tell him? He was all I had. He might as well know all there was to know about me.

"I miss the sun on my face. I miss the wind on my hair. I miss the sweet smell of the orchard on the spring, the scent of the flowering apple trees. I long to hear the singing birds on the canopy, the buzzing sound of the bees, collecting the nectar from the flowers. My heart aches to feel the warm grass on my bare feet, as I walk through the garden on the first days of summer, when the world around me is made of all the shades of green." I paused for a short moment, to catch my breath, to push away my tears. "But all of that is gone. Now I have nothing, nothing but…"

"Nothing but the short, insufficient moments with me." he completed my sentence.

"Indeed."

"The time you've spent in my presence..." He said, with a dark, low voice, leaning closer to me. "You should take them, and let them make you _stronger._ Not weaker."

"But you do possess the power to make me weak." I breathed, barely audible, for he had suddenly laid his hand on my arm, and the mere warmth of his touch was enough to take my breath away.

"That is a different kind of weakness, I hope." He gave me a gracious smile. "It would be depressing to think that my presence makes you wish for death."

"Not your presence - your absence."

He loosened his hold of my arm and raised his hand to my hair. Slowly, he let his thin, elegant fingers move through my curls, to my cheek and then to brush my lips.

"It is your fault that from now on my fruits will be served pre cut."

"Such a tragedy." I managed to smile. "My most humble apologies, Loki."

"I saw as you took the knife." He paused for a short moment, and looked away from me. "But I decided not to stop you. I was curious, you see, to find out what would you try to do with it. The idea that you'd might use it to hurt yourself did occur to me, but… but I didn't anticipate it would affect me."

His words were enough to make my heart skip a beat.

I could hardly breath. Had he just admitted, that… that he actually _cared?_

I turned to look at him, but the expression of his pale, beautiful face, revealed almost nothing. However, I saw the tight line of his jaw, the ever so slight blush on his high cheekbones, and just then I knew. I knew for sure, that he cared for me, and suddenly an intoxicating desire to _live_ filled my veins.

But I knew better, than to let him know that I had noticed.

"Forgive me, Loki" I said, managing to stay calm. "I didn't mean for my actions to upset you."

He smiled, and pulled his hand away, leaning back on his chair.

"I've been through worse. Do not worry about it, little one."

"As you say." I lay down on my bed, but kept my eyes on his face.

"You should rest now." he said, his voice soft and dark, and gentle.

And I wanted to answer him, to beg him not to leave yet, but before I could say a thing, I felt an odd fog descending on my tired thoughts.

"Sleep now, my sweet Alva." I heard his voice through a thick dark veil, as I fell into a dream.


	9. Throwback thursday

After spending five days in the hospital, I was sent back to my cell - but apparently I had managed to anger my guardians as well as my gods, for I was indeed punished for my actions.

No matter how much I begged, I was declined the possibility to meet the one my heart longed for. I stood in the front of the glass-like front wall of my cell, and begged, begged for the guard to take me to him, but there was no answer.

And when I say there was no answer, there truly was none.

Silence. That was all they gave me, the only response to my pleas.

So I paced back and forth, my footsteps the only sound in the silence of my prison. My eyes on the cell that was on the other side of the hallway - his cell.

But rarely did he let me see him.

It was just like before - he spent his time doing I don't know what, on that part of his prison that was not visible to me. And when he came to my view, he read books, he played chess by himself… did all the meaningless pastimes he had occupied himself with all the time he had been here.

As if I didn't exist at all.

As if nothing had happened between us.

That thought made my belly ache with desperation. For I _knew_ better. I still felt his touch on my skin and my bones, his lips on the deep of my neck. His words echoed on my mind. " _The idea that you'd might use it to hurt yourself did occur to me, but… but I didn't anticipate it would affect me."_

He cared. He had to. For if he didn't I simply could not bear it.

It took a full fortnight before they took me to him again.

Surprised, almost given up hope, my heart leaped as the guard opened the door of my cell, and ordered for me to get up and follow him.

It seemed as if Loki knew I was coming. He stood on the middle of his cell, his hands behind his back, and looked at me as I crossed the hallway, and as I was pushed in, and the door was sealed with magic behind my back.

"You are healed, I take it?" his voice was cool and emotionless, his eyes pale blue as ice.

"Yes, I suppose so. The healers treated me very well."

"Let me see." It was an order.

I raised my hand, and he stepped closer and took it. His fingers were cool and delicate on my skin, as he turned my wrist so that he could see where I had cut it. The scars were still fresh, blood red stripes on my pale, white skin. His eyes narrowed as he observed them.

"Are you still in pain?" he asked, his voice still distant, but quiet and soft.

I shook my head, and he let my hand go.

"Good." he nodded, his eyes still not meeting mine. Something in his voice, in his posture was uneasy, restless, and it made me nervous. "It pleases me to see that you have healed, and more so that you are allowed to come to me again."

He paused for a moment, inhaled as if he was going to say something more, but then decided not to. Slowly he turned away from me, and walked to a small table on the other end of the room, leaving me uncertain of what was expected of me.

"Come." he ordered then, and gestured for me to follow, and pulled a chair for me. "May I offer you a glass of mead, Alva?"

I hesitated for a heartbeat, but then nodded and walked to him. As I sat down, he poured the drink in a beautiful crystal cup, and it was deep honey in colour, it's scent sweet and heavy, and it made my mouth water.

I wanted to take the cup, but I blushed - it had been so long since I'd tasted mead, and the mere scent of it made my head spin. I grabbed the plain fabric of my skirt with my pale, trembling fingers, and looked down to them.

"I'm not sure I should."

"Do not fear, little one." he said, and a small smile played on his regal lips. "Drink it."

His words were a command, and I did as he told me to - raised the cup to my lips and sipped, the familiar yet long lost taste filling my mouth, and I felt the effects on my blood before I even gulped.

"Do you like it?" he asked, taking the seat opposite to me, leaning towards me, his elbows on the table.

I placed the cup down, and blushed. "It is very good, but very strong, and I'm not used to it."

"Ah." he said, and poured some mead for himself as well. "I am to take it, that they do not serve mead to every prisoner."

"No, they most certainly do not." I took another sip.

"Frigga has done all in her power to make me comfortable, that not being very much." He noted, but his face told me he didn't really feel comfortable - quite the opposite.

"You are privileged, weather you know it or not."

"Am I?" he asked, his voice suddenly sharp, and the smile from his eyes had vanished. "Am I really?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you."

The truth was, that I was still exhausted, and didn't feel up to a fight.

And I didn't want him displeased with me again.

"Hm." he breathed, and stayed silent for a few heartbeats, lifted his cup and brought it to his beautiful, narrow lips. It was only after he had placed the drink back down, that he continued.

"Perhaps I am… fortunate, that my _mother_ still takes interest on my well being and insists on sending me only the best of Asgård's culinaries. If it was up to Odin, I'd probably be left to starve."

I was surprised by his sudden burst of honesty, but I tried to hide it the best I could.

This was the first time he had ever spoken of his mother, Frigga. The one I'd seen visit him multiple times. It was obvious his mother loved him, though I suspected if he knew that.

"We couldn't have that, could we now." I answered, and took another sip. "But this mead is meant for you, not for the other prisoners. Why are you kind enough to share it with me?"

He shrugged. "Perhaps I just like the sight of you, the cup on your lips and the blush on your cheeks."

"There are other ways to make my cheeks blush."

He made a small, obnoxious laugh.

"Oh, I know that. But you'll have to wait for them this time."

"Is that my punishment? Making me wait?" I asked, the mead speaking on my tongue.

"Begging for your punishment, are you?" He grinned, a wolfish grin that showed canine teeth."I'm afraid you'll have to wait for that one as well. No, I have other plans for you tonight, Alva."

"And may I ask what are they?"

"I'll be the one asking the questions this time. And you'll tell me all I want to know. Only after that I might give you what you so desperately long for."

I gulped. The look on his sky blue eyes made me shiver, and no matter what I wanted to say, I only managed to nod, and whisper: "As you say."

"Good." he chuckled. "That's the way I like my slaves - obedient. But you are used to being obedient… are you not? For too long you obeyed your father. Too many years, lost years, on his servitude, as if you were his slave, not his daughter. Is that not so?"

"Yes." I whispered. "That is true."

"On the matter of fact, no one even knew you were his offspring. He hid you so well, in his palace, among his servants… No one had the slightest idea, that the little girl, the shy and the silent one, was in fact his only heir."

He looked at me straight in the eye, but I said nothing.

The memories had a bitter taste, and I tried to wash it away with another sip of my mead.

"When was it, that you found out?" he asked. "That you were not in fact one of his servants, but his daughter."

"When he had already broken me so thoroughly, that it no longer had any meaning to me."

"But that is not the whole truth is it."

"Why do you care so much about the truth? Are you not the God of lies?" I spat out. "It makes no difference. It never did. Being my father's child has never brought me anything but misery."

"I know." he said, silently. "I know, for we have met before, haven't we?"

I froze.

I had wondered if he remembered, for I most certainly did. But why would have he noticed me - a prince of Asgård, so much above me that he could've been the sun on the sky. And me, a servant girl - a mere housemaid, trying to be invisible.

"It took me some time to figure out where we had met." Loki continued, and leaned back on his chair. "But I have been blessed with a lot of free time to think, to go through my memories. You see, I never forget a face. Not even the face of a little servant girl."

"That is what I was."

"But not truly."

I sighed, and closed my eyes. The mead made my head dizzy, my thoughts slippery. I wondered if that had been his meaning all along.

"I remember that day." I breathed. "I _did_ notice you, of course I did. I had never seen a prince before… and you were unlike anyone I had ever laid my eyes on."

That was true. He had been the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen, and truth be told, he still was.

"I wasn't supposed to be serving dinner that night, but there was a mix up, and I was sent to the dining hall. There you were, sitting on the table, with Odin, Thor and my father. I remember as I poured wine for you, and my hands were shaking - I was afraid to death that I'd spill it, but I didn't. You looked up to my eyes, and said 'Thank you.'" I paused for a while. "I remember it, for you were the only one who even noticed my presence. The only one who spoke to me at all."

"Yes." his pale blue eyes had a hint of smile in them, and it made my heart melt. "I remember that too."

I was just about to ask, what more did he remember of that night, when something happened to take the words from my lips.

It began with a rumble, a sound like a distant thunder. I was instantly alarmed, and looked at him - just to see that he had noticed it too.

"What-" I began, but he rose nimbly to his feet.

"Be quiet!" he ordered, and gestured for me to stay put. "Something is happening."

But I didn't obey, not this time. For now I heard other noices too, loud bangig - like someone was trying to break a wall. The guards came running, a lot of them, and before I knew, there was fighting on the hallways.

I had never seen a real battle before, even if I did have blood on my hands, and the sight of it made me scared - but there was something more too, I couldn't deny it - something in my veins, in the rhythm of my heart - excitement. Anything but this dull, almost dead existence we had both been doomed to.

And glancing up to Loki, I saw that even if he tried to keep his posture calm and cool, he felt it too.

This was the night that he had been waiting for.

 **End of Part One**


	10. Family

I had thought, I had known suffering.

That I had known misery, pain and loss. That I had been familiar with all the dark emotions a heart can produce.

But it turned out, I had known nothing.

For losing the one you love, is like losing the air you breath. It's like having your lungs ripped out of your chest, leaving you to drown on your own blood, to suffocate slowly, gasping for air like a fish on dry land.

But at least without air, you know you're going to die. But without a heart, you'll just keep on living, with no hope of salvation.

Ah, but now I'm getting ahead of myself.

It's just, that it's still so painful to remember that day, that I find I'm reluctant to talk about it at all.

The day he left me.

I didn't know if it had been his plan all along. To just use me, to just have a little fun with me, and then, when the time came, to leave me behind.

The time for him to escape.

And me, a fool, had thought he'd take me with him. That it would be _our_ chance, not just his. Ours.

But there was no "us", not to him.

Even if there had been something, a little corner of his heart feeling something for me, it had all been destroyed, pushed away by other emotions. Rage. Revenge. Sorrow.

The death of his mother that day, had not been part of his plans, that much was obvious. I had been dragged back to my cell by the time the guards came to tell him the news, but I saw his reaction, and the pain he felt cut through my heart like a spear.

And I think that pain made him forget all about me, for that was the last I knew of him. I sat on my cell, and cried for his pain, looking at him as he just sat there on the floor, in the middle of destruction he had brought to his belongings. I wished by all the nine realms, that I could've been with him, that I could've helped him, but he didn't even raise his eyes to meet mine.

It was obvious, that I no longer existed in his world - all that mattered to him now, was his loss. There was no way for me to reach out to him, but my heart cried with his.

The next day Thor came, and took him away.

I'll never forget how I felt, as I watched them walk away.

Like the fish on land, slowly dying.

I didn't know where Thor was taking him,

And Loki didn't even look at me. Not a glance, not a wave of a hand, nothing. He just walked away, and left me to die.

I have no idea how much time passed. It could've been days, it could've been weeks. Time had no longer any meaning to me.

I spent the days on my cell, staring at the hallway, waiting. Like a pet, waiting for his master, I sat and waited - but the more time went, the less patient I grew.

He had walked away from me, not even looking back.

I sat on the floor, leaning to the wall, and laid my hands on my abdomen, letting the grief and self pity swallow me.

I could feel the change in me, though I knew no one could see it yet. But I knew, as certainly as I knew I had loved him, that his child was now growing inside of me, under my heart.

His child, Loki's child.

I couldn't think forward, I could not see our future. How could I be a mother in prison? Would Loki ever know that I had bore his child?

It was on those days, that Thor came to see me, and it only took me one glance of his grim face to know what he had came to tell me.

He stood on the other end of my cell, looked at me, unable to get the words out of his lips, let his gaze fall to the floor, and then back up to meet my eyes.

"Alva, I have to tell you something-"

And I knew. The truth sank into my heart like dagger, and my heart stopped beating.

"No…!" I breathed. "No, don't you dare to say it.!

"I'm so sorry." His voice was thick with emotion, and hearing it made the moment somehow even more real. "He… he died a hero's death. He died with honor."

"No." I gasped for air. I felt the tears burning in my throat, behind my ears, but the wouldn't flow free. "I won't believe you."

I managed to get up to my shaky legs, even if my head was spinning.

"It is true, whether you believe it or not, Alva. And like you, I wish it was not." He looked at me with his sky blue eyes, and I had never hated him more than on that moment, when grief made a bond between our hearts. "But it does give me some comfort in my sorrow, that I know he died like a true hero of Asgård."

"It makes no difference to me how he died." I breathed. "It won't bring him back to me."

He didn't know what to say, and even if I could feel his grief, could see it in his eyes, I also knew he couldn't understand the way I had loved his brother, nor could he know feel the depth of my sadness.

"I know you loved him." he finally answered, stepping closer to me. "And I feel guilty for causing this to you. Had I not allowed you two to meet-"

"Do not feel sorry for the best moments of my life." I said, turning my back to him. "Be sorry for taking them away from me. It was you, who took him away to his death, and that I cannot forgive."

"You are mistaken." His voice was dark. "It was Loki's own choice to join me, to try and avenge the death of our mother. Had I known he'd sacrifice his life saving mine, I wouldn't have let him come, but-"

"He got killed, saving you?" I breathed, and Thor gave me a small nod.

"He did. I owe him my life."

I couldn't answer. The air had left my lungs, the strength had left my muscles. I let myself fall back to the floor, on my knees, and raised my hands to my face.

I still couldn't cry, the tears were locked somewhere deep inside of my shattered heart, but I wailed in despair.

Loki had given his life to save his brother. What a waste, what a stupid reason to die! For Thor, Loki would never come back to me. He had chosen to save his brother's life, and now I'd have to live mine without him.

"Alva, are you alright?"

Thor had walked to me, and knelt by my side. He placed his warm hand on my shoulder.

"No." I managed, shaking my head.

How could I be alright? I knew I'd _never_ be alright anymore.

I looked up to Thor's blue eyes, and suddenly the tears found their way to mine, flooded them and fell to my cheeks.

"I'm pregnant." I sob. "I'm having his child, and now he'll never-"

But I couldn't continue, the tears made my voice fail and I felt like choking.

I hid my face into my hands again, and cried, so I couldn't see Thor's expression. But his grip on my shoulder hardened. He stayed still for a few heartbeats, but then he sat down on the floor by my side, and pulled me into his arms.

It felt as if I was a child, being caressed by someone who would take away my troubles, who would make it all right again. Someone who would take care of me.

I pressed my face against his shoulder, and cried, until my tears and my running nose had made his cloth moist, and all this time he just held me, pressed me tight against his strong chest, caressed my hair and my back as if I was his little sister.

It took a long time until my tears ran out, and I stopped sobbing. The grief inside of my chest still felt like it would crush my heart, but my body was too tired to cry anymore.

Still Thor held me, as if he had nowhere to go, which I knew probably wasn't true. I pulled myself up, and wiped my face to my sleeve.

"I'm sorry." I managed to whisper, suddenly ashamed of my tears.

"Do not be." Thor's voice was low and warm. "You are carrying my brother's child, and that makes us family. Your grief is mine, you're well being my concern. Come now."

He got up to his feet, and lifted me up too, as if I weighed nothing, and then placed me on my feet very gently. He took my hand, and pulled me to the door, signaling the guard to open it.

"Where are we going?" I asked, my voice faint as a feather, as we stepped out of the cell to the hallway.

Thor turned to look at me, his strong face stern and reassuring.

"To the palace. It is time we found you a new home."


	11. Fields of Gold

I opened the large wooden door, and stepped in. Thor followed me as a silent guard, observing my reactions with his dark, grey eyes.

I stopped in the middle of the room and took a minute to glance around.

"This is your knew home", Thor had said as we'd walked the hallway. "You're never going to go back to your cell again."

 _We'll see about that_ , I thought to myself. Life had tought me a lesson, that no good things ever happened to me - and even if they did, they'd be taken away from me. I didn't think this would be an exception.

But I had to admit: it was a beautiful apartment, of several rooms _._ A room for dining, another one for sleeping. A big canopy bed with sheets of silk, a huge closet for clothes. I opened it's heavy oak doors, but it was empty - of course. The on ly piece of clothing I had, was the simple white dress I wore, and even that wasn't really my own.

"I will make sure you'll have as many clothes as you need." Thor stated. "I'll send the tailor to meet you first thing tomorrow."

 _The tailor?_

I wanted to argue, my inner voice telling me I hardly needed a tailor, a simple dress or two would do, but I felt still paralyzed by grief, like all strength had left me, and I just nodded, closing the closet doors.

Behind the bedroom was another bedroom, much smaller and simpler. More suited to my needs, I thought.

"I like this room more." I whispered. _Because it's as small and plain as your cell, slave,_ mocked my inner voice.

"It's the maid's room." Thor replied.

"The maid's room?" I raised an eyebrow. "Are you serious?"

"Of course. You are now carrying the child, that could be the next heir to the throne of Asgård. You must live accordingly."

"I hardly need a maid. I used to be one myself."

"But you are not one anymore."

"This morning I was a prisoner, and before that I was a slave. And now you are telling me… what? What exactly am I now?"

"You are lady of noble birth, and a mother to a prince."

"Hm." I didn't like the sound of that, but then again, I didn't really like anything that day. My heart was heavy as a stone, and hollow as a rotten wood, at the same time, and every time it beat, I felt an agonizing pain like an arrow had been stuck in it, digging it's way deeper and deeper into my chest. It took all my strength not to stop breathing, not to give up.

 _You have to keep on living_ , I told myself. _For the baby. For_ _ **his**_ _baby._

I closed the door of the maid's room, and walked to the curtains of my bedroom, and opened them. I had thought there would be a window behind them, perhaps a balcony, but I had been mistaken. We were at the first floor, it would seem, for there was a pair of sliding doors with large windows, and behind the doors I could see a garden.

My heart skipped a beat.

A garden, one I could access from my own bedroom!

I slided the doors open, and stepped outside to a beautiful day of early summer.

The trees were blossoming, apple trees, pear trees, orange trees and many others, the heavy, sweet scent of the blooms filled the air. I took a few steps, across a small patio of white marble, which had a set of beautiful garden furniture made of iron. I had no shoes, and the patio was warm and smooth under my bare feet, but even better was the grass.

Without even looking back, I walked further into the garden. The richness of plants was breathtaking: there were roses, poppies and alliums, there were peonies, catmints and bellflowers. My feet cherished the feeling of soft, warm grass, my ears were filled with the singing of dozens of songbirds, the sounds of busy insects searching the new flower from which to collect the nectar, my lungs gaped for the fresh air, the scents of the blossoms and the fruit. Sun was just about to set, to sink behind the wall that surrounded the palace, but the last rays were still warm, and my skin glowed like polished ivory under it.

I hadn't even noticed when had the tears began to fall again, but suddenly I realised my cheeks were wet, and my nose was running, and I had to wipe them with my sleeve.

"Do you like it?" Thor asked with a low voice that had a hint of a smile in it.

"I love it." I breathed. "It's… everything I could hope for. Thank you."

He nodded, and turned to face me.

"You are no longer a prisoner. You can go wherever you want to inside the palace, and in this garden. But you cannot go outside the palace walls, for your own safety, and for the baby's."

I wasn't a prisoner, but I could not leave the palace? That sounded a bit contradictory, but I decided to let it pass.

Besides, where would I even go? I had meant it, when I'd said that this garden was all I needed.

"Alright." I said, but just then a thought hit me, and it felt like a huge weight had descended on my shoulders. "But… but what about Odin?"

"What about my father?" Thor asked, suddenly very serious.

"He sentenced me for life. I killed a man, and not just any man, but Odin's friend, and if I recall correctly, he wasn't going to give me any mercy."

Thor looked down, and seemed to ponder on his thoughts before answering my question.

"I will talk to him myself."

"And what will you tell him exactly? That you gave the order for me to sleep with… with Loki." (Just saying his name felt like stabbing my own heart with a dagger.) "And that now I'm pregnant with his child and thus can no longer be imprisoned?"

"Leave that to me. But perhaps it is best, that you do not leave your rooms until I have settled that matter with my father."

"As you say." I looked away from his serious eyes, turned my gaze to the sunset.

The sun had glided down, behind the wall, and I could not see it anymore. But it still painted the sky and the clouds, and suddenly the world seemed to be made of all shades of pink, rose and gold. The west wind rose, and it brought me the scent of life, the scent of the city and people and gardens outside of the walls that held me.

"It will soon be night." Thor said. "And I still must go to talk to the Allfather. Let us return to your apartment, Lady Alva."

I nodded, and reluctantly turned my back to the sunset. It still warmed my shoulders, and made my hair glow, like a halo of fire around my head. The wind was in my hair, and the grass was still warm on my feet, as I walked back to the palace. But none of it could sweep the darkness off my heart.


	12. Under the raven's eye

I woke up, feeling the morning sun on my face.

For a moment I thought, I was a child again. A little girl, on Earth, in my home. I could hear my mother busying herself in the kitchen, the sounds of plates and forks being laid on the breakfast table. I could smell the scent of fresh bread, and my mouth watered.

But with that, the memories came back, and my heart fell into a black abyss.

No matter the sunshine, my own sun had fallen from the sky, he had left me and died on an abandoned, dead world on the other side of the universe, and he'd never come back to me. It made no difference, where I was, Earth or here - in either case, there would be no respite to my pain.

"Are you awake, Milady?"

 _Milady?_

That most definitely was _not_ my mother. I opened my eyes, and sat up, just to see a young woman standing by the door. She had a long, blond, braided hair, a simple dress and a beautiful, heart shaped face. She smiled like she had no care in the world, which made me immediately dislike her.

"I said yesterday, that I do not need a maid." I stated, sitting up.

"I dare to disagree, Milady." the young woman smiled. "The breakfast is ready. It is very important to eat well, when one is expecting."

I sighed. A sadness as thick and cold, as fog, descended on my shoulder. It wasn't that I didn't want this child. I did, of course I did, because it was _his_. But every time I thought about the baby, I was reminded of the fact, that Loki… was no longer with me. That he was dead.

The thought made me sick, and I felt how blood left my cheeks.

I stood up, trying to hide my moods, and searched for my simple dress, but it was nowhere to be seen.

"There are new dresses for Milady on the closet." Said the maid, still cheerful, and stepped to open the doors. "If you'd let me help you choose-"

"Thank you, I'll manage." I snapped, and picked up a dress without even bothering to look at it.

"As Milady wishes." the maid bow her head. "I will set the table for you. Please, come and eat, when you're ready."

I took a deep breath, and finally decided to nod. The truth was, that I was hungry.

"Alright… I'll be there in a minute-"

"-Frida." she completed my sentence. "My name is Frida, Milady."

"Alright, Frida. And please, stop calling me Milady. This will never work, if you do that."

"Oh, this'll work just fine, Milady, if you just let me do my job." She answered, and I knew I'd lost the battle.

* * *

One thing you should know about Frida, is that no matter how much I disliked her in the beginning, she probably saved my life.

For I soon learned, that I didn't know a thing about the life in a palace, nor about being pregnant, but she knew everything, and relentlessly pushed me to do the things, she thought I needed.

And even if I hate to admit it, she was always right.

First, she forced me to eat.

"The baby needs a lot of food, Milady. You do want it to grow big and strong, don't you?" she said, and served me fruit, vegetables, meat, bread and all other kinds of healthy dishes, politely ignoring my bad appetite.

Second, she forced me to get up of the bed, and get out of my room.

"Laying under the sheets, and crying all day, won't heal your broken heart, Milady." She stated with a stern voice, and gently pulled me up, day after day. "Besides, your body is weak after all those years in the… well, you are not in a good health, if I may say so. You need to get strong, Milady! Giving birth is not an easy business, you will need a lot of strength for that."

And of course she was right, again. So I let her take me out to the garden every day, and I had to admit, that I loved it, more and more every day. It was the only place where my mind was at ease, where my fears dissolved, and my heart got even a bit of rest.

We made long walks, sometimes walking all the day, until my feet were tired and my muscles sore, but I felt how the fresh air and the exercise made me healthier and stronger by the day. My ivory pale skin got suntanned, I got freckles on my nose and cheeks, and the sunlight made my red hair a tone lighter, orange and rose and gold, like the sky on sunset.

And Frida, she was the perfect companion.

When I had a bad day, she didn't push her company. She let me wander on the orchard, silently, staring at the sky and thinking about _him_. She didn't ask what was on my mind, nor did she try to force me to cheer up.

But on other days, when I felt better, she would talk to me about all kinds of things. She showed me around on the garden and on the palace, sharing with me all the secret doors and long forgotten pavilions. She would tell me about her family, and her childhood, about the boys she liked, and the dreams she had. And without even noticing it, I began to share as well.

I can't tell exactly when it happened, but at some point I realized I no longer disliked her. On the matter of fact, I had grown to like her, to need her, to want for her to be around. We had became friends.

We were sitting under a pear tree and eating fresh pears from the branches. They were so sweet and ripe, that their sticky juice stained our faces and our fingers, but we hardly cared.

"Frida." I said, after a third pear, leaning my back on the tree trunk.

"Yes, Milady?" she looked at me, her big blue eyes smiling.

She had been with me for two months now, but still she would not call me by my name.

"I have wanted to ask you…" but suddenly I hesitated, and I closed my mouth. Sometimes it still felt odd to talk to another person. Mostly, Frida did the talking, and I kept silently.

"What did you want to ask, Milady?"

"When you started as my maid… what did Thor tell you?"

"Oh." She shrugged, taking a bite of another fruit. "Not that much, really, Milady. Just what I needed to know."

"And that was?"

"That you were with a child, Milady. That was obviously the most important thing." she answered. "He also might have mentioned, that you had been imprisoned."

"But not why?"

"It was none of my business, so I didn't ask, Milady. And I'm still not asking."

I nodded, and looked down.

We might be friends, but I knew I was nowhere near ready to share my darkest secrets with her. Besides - what would she think of me, if she knew? I glanced at her, her trusting eyes, her smiling lips, and suddenly a fear filled me. A fear, that she'd hate me if she knew what I really was.

 _A murdered and a whore._

I shook off the nagging voice, the best I could.

"Did Thor… did he tell you who is the father of my child?"

"Yes he did, Milady."

I sighed. "And what do you think about it?"

"What do I think about it, Milady?" She seemed surprised, even if it hardly was the first time I asked about her opinion. But as I kept silent, she finally answered: "I think that it is very sad, that we lost Prince Loki. They say that he died like a true hero of Asgård, and thus paid for all the bad deeds he had done in his life. But still, I hope he didn't have to die. It is a very sad thing indeed, that he will never see his son grow up, Milady."

I nodded, and looked down. The tears were suddenly lurking behind my eyes again, burning in my throat, and it took me a while to manage to speak again.

"His son, you said?" I whispered, my voice suddenly weak.

"Yes." Frida grinned. "Of course it is a boy, I always know these things."

"It could be a girl too." I protested, laying my hands on my belly, that had already grown and had a beautiful round shape.

"But it won't be." Frida stated. "Mark my words, Milady, it is a boy, and it'll be big and strong, a true prince, like his father."

I suddenly felt very touched, and a tear fell to my cheek. As discretely as possible, I wiped it with my sleeve, and hid my face by looking at the other direction.

Frida seemed to sense my mood, as she gave me a moment of silence. Only after a rather long while she spoke again.

"Milady, look." she stated, suddenly serious.

I looked at the direction she was pointing, and noticed that we were no longer alone. At some distance I saw an old man walking among the trees, a figure that had already become somewhat familiar to me. An old fear rose inside of my chest, and brought an acidic taste to my mouth.

"Odin." I whispered.

Frida stood up, and I followed her example.

Odin looked at us, and gave a small nod, as if to greet us. I felt his eyes on me, an intense stare that brought a chill to my back, and made me restless. I bow my head, and bent my knees, and when I finally had the courage to look up, he was gone.

I sat down again, leaned on the tree, for I suddenly felt weary to my bones.

Frida stayed silent for a while, chewing on her pear. When she finally spoke, her voice was serious.

"That's odd." she said, turning to glance at me.

"What's odd?"

She bit her lip, and hesitated before answering: "We have seen the Allfather almost every day, for weeks now. He seems to pick his daily walking routes so, that they cross ours."

I silently agreed. I had noticed the same, though I didn't know if that was typical of him or not.

"Why do you think he does that?" I breathed, feeling the shadow of an old fear choking my throat.

"I cannot tell, Milady. But it does seem like he want's to keep an eye on you. But why, that is not known to me."

It was as if the sky had clouded, for not even the sun could warm me anymore.

I wanted to be nothing more than a shadow, to be able to blend into the shadows of the trees, and to vanish. If Odin had made it his priority to keep an eye on me, it could mean no good.

 _Oh Loki, why did you leave me?_ I silently cried. _I need you, I can't make this alone. Please, please return to me, and keep me safe._

But the only answer in my heart was the memory of him walking away from me, not even looking back.


	13. Bonded by broken hearts

They say that after a year, you begin to feel better.

But I would say, that after a year, you just get used to the pain, used to the broken heart you're carrying around. It won't hurt any less, but somehow you'll stop noticing it all the time.

Time does not heal, but as it passes, you'll start seeing there are still things worth living for.

Of course, the 'thing' that forced me to keep on living, was my son.

It is funny, but until the first time I held him in my arms, I had only thought of him as Loki's son, not really mine. But after seeing the baby for the first time… I was lost in love, deeper than any I had ever felt before - love deeper even, than the one I felt for Loki.

For the baby, he was all mine, and I was his. I had made him in my body, he had been formed under my heart - but he had also made me, transformed me, by coming into my world.

As I held his tiny body on my arms, and the newborn grabbed tightly on my finger, I suddenly saw the universe in his eyes, all the possible futures he might face, all the fears and the loves, the threats and the victories. A fierce fire was born inside of my heart that moment, and in a heartbeat it flashed through my veins, and I swore that I'd never abandon him, not as long as I lived.

He was a content baby. He hardly cried, he slept all night and only wake me up to feed. And I loved him more than the sun shines, more than there is sand in a desert, more than there are worlds in the universe.

I must admit, that after my son was born, my heart felt lighter, and heavier at the same time. Lighter, for he brought so much joy and love to my world. But heavier, for every time I saw him, I remembered his father, and a dagger of lost love pierced my heart.

Being happy for having my son, did not make my pain for losing Loki any smaller. I simply didn't have that much time to dwell on it anymore.

* * *

It was a year after Loki's death.

I was sitting on the garden, on my favorite place, near to a small pond that was hidden among trees, on a quiet and distant corner of the garden. The baby was only a few months old, and he was napping on a cradle near me, under a weeping willow, among the branches that swing slowly on the warm breeze..

I was buried deep in my thoughts, my gaze wandering on the sunrays that fell through the green leaves, and made living, dancing patterns on the dark waters of the pond, as I heard a pair of footsteps nearing.

I looked up, and saw a familiar, tall figure approaching - his blond hair falling to his shoulders, a wide smile playing on his handsome face.

"Alva, you are hard to find. I hope I am not distracting your peace."

"Thor!" I was genuinely pleased, and got up to my feet.

A lot had passed since he had first approached me in the prison, and now I considered him a friend - almost a brother. No matter the past, since he had found out about my baby, he had been good to me.

But he wasn't alone. There was a slender, very beautiful woman with him, and something about her looks made me curious.

As soon as Thor spoke, I knew what it was.

"Alva, this is Doctor Jane Foster - of Midgård." Thor introduced her. _So, she was a human._ "Jane, this is Lady Alva, my brothers… um-"

"At loss of words?" I raised an eyebrow. A set of words flashed through my mind: _a slave, a whore, a prostitute_ , _a toy,_ but I tried to shrug them off the best I could. "What was I exactly to your brother? If I do not know, then probably you won't find an appropriate word either. So let us just say that I was Loki's companion. That is as good of a word as any, it is not?"

Jane Foster seemed confused, looking a few times from me to Thor, before she spoke, but then decided to offer me her hand, and I took it.

"It is nice to meet you, Lady Alva."

"Please, just Alva. I am no Lady, no matter how many times Thor tries to tell me that. But you are… you are a human, are you not?"

She smiled, and I noticed how her whole face was suddenly transformed, as if light had fallen on her. "Yes I am, I am from Earth. But… so are you, are you not?"

Thor smiled. "You do have observant eyes, my Jane."

I answered their smiles.

"I must agree. For you are right, Jane Foster. I am a human - or at least a half human." I replied, and suddenly I felt an old grief somber my heart. "But I have not been on Earth for a very long time."

"Oh." Jane said, and she must've noticed my moods, as she suddenly seemed embarrassed. "I didn't mean-"

"It is fine." I said. "Or rather, it is what it is. My life includes some sad stories, but they are for another time. It is my pleasure to meet you, Lady Jane. I hardly have any visitors, and you are the first one from Earth. Please, would you not tell me about it? I have longed for a long time to see it."

"Alva, just call me Jane." her kind, brown eyes had compassion in them, and I could not help but to like her. "It would be my pleasure to tell you all you wish to know. And if you wish, perhaps Thor could take us there, right Thor?" she turned to face her companion, who suddenly seemed awkward.

"I am not sure if-" he began, but I interrupted him.

"So, what happened to 'You are no longer a prisoner'?" I asked, giving him a look. "I take it, that you still have not asked if Odin could pardon me."

"You mistake me, Alva." Thor replied. "I _have_ asked him, several times, but he has declined. I am sorry. I do wish I could take you to Midgård. I know it is your heart's desire, but the Allfather has made his decision. You can have your freedom, but only inside the palace walls."

I looked down, to suppress my tears.

So, I would never leave this place. So be it then.

My voice felt harsh on my throat as I finally spoke. "That is not much of a freedom, is it?"

"No, it is not. But I hope it is better than no freedom at all."

I shook my head. "Yes, you are right. It is not your fault. You saved me from the dungeons, and for that I am ever grateful. I might never see Earth, but at least I have this place, and it is more than I would deserve."

Thor placed his hand on my shoulder, a familiar gesture, and I squeezed on his fingers.

"From the dungeons?" Asked Jane, clearly very curious, but then she blushed and shook her head. "No, forget it, it's none of my business-"

"It's not a secret." I shrugged. "Why don't _you_ tell her how I got there, and how I met your brother." I said to Thor, leaving him more awkward than ever. "I'll go and get my son so that you can finally meet."

And leaving Thor clearly very uncomfortable, I walked to the cradle, just to see that my son was already awake.

"Come on beautiful." I whispered, as I picked him up from the cradle.

His big, blue eyes - just like his father's - were fixated on my face, and he instantly smiled as he felt my arms around him.

 _Heavens, I loved him so much, it was almost unbearable._ I squeezed him tight against my chest, and walked back to the couple waiting for me.

Thor's eyes were all serious now, as he looked at me approaching. This was the first time he saw my son - Loki's son. And I could see, from his suddenly stiff posture, that he felt nervous.

I neared him, and turned my son so, that Thor could see his face.

"Say hello to your nephew, Thor." I said.

Thor was silent for a small while, just looking at the child, and for a moment it seemed as if he forgot all about me and Jane. But then he cleared his throat, and leaned closer.

"Hello, Aarik, son of Loki." he said, and I could hear his voice was low and thick with emotion. He then raised his eyes back to mine, and asked: "May I?"

I nodded, and handed the child to him. With surprisingly gentle hands Thor picked him up, and held him against his strong, muscular chest.

I looked from Thor to Jane, and saw that there were a million things buzzing in her mind, and that she was doing her best to suppress her questions for now.

"He looks just like my brother." Thor said, and looked at me. "The eyes, the hair… everything."

I smiled, though I felt tears in my eyes. "Yes he does. He will be a handsome prince when he grows up."

"I thought I had lost Loki forever, but now… now I see him in his son. It is a miracle, and one that brings some very much needed joy into my heart."

"It hardly is a miracle that a son resembles his father, Thor." I stated, and felt a small smile on my lips. "But I agree, that his birth is a miracle, and a joyous one."

"Can I hold him too?" said Jane suddenly, surprising me.

"Of course." I said, and gave Thor a nod.

Jane picked the infant from Thor's arms, and a beautiful smile lightened her face.

"He is gorgeous." she said, with a radiant smile, and of course I agreed.

It was true, that Aarik was very beautiful - but I'm under the impression, that all mothers feel that way about their children. Nonetheless, I felt proud to hear it from someone else's lips.

"I only knew Loki briefly." Jane continued, after a while, and now her smile was fading. "There must've been a lot about him that I knew nothing about."

Thor cleared his throat. "You had the misfortune to see the worst of him. That was not all there was, Jane."

Jane nodded, still looking at Aarik, still cradling him in her arms. Aarik stared at her face with his stern, blue eyes, as if he wasn't afraid of a thing in this world.

"I might have seen the worst of him in New York, but I also saw a glimpse of something else in the Dark World. He protected me - and he saved your life, Thor." Jane said with a silent voice. "For that I am thankful. And I am sorry."

"For what?" asked Thor.

"That I hadn't realized how much you missed him."

Jane looked at Thor, over Aarik, and suddenly I felt that me and my son were on a party we weren't invited to. It was clear, that these two had some issues they should talk about in private, and it made me feel very lonely.

I reached to pick my son back, and Jane gave her to me.

"It was good of you to come and meet my son." I said, and took a step back. "But he has just woken up from his nap, and I know he needs to feed now."

"Of course." Thor said, and he gave a small nod. "But I hope to see you two soon again. As I've said before, you are my family now - and so is Aarik. I wish to teach him all he needs to know to be a warrior and a prince of Asgård."

I smiled. "Thank you Thor, but at the moment all he needs is his mother's milk. But please, come back whenever you can. And I do wish you could teach Aarik all there is to know about his father as well."

"It will be an honor to do so." Thor gave me a small bow, and turned to Jane to leave, but Jane stepped closer to me, reached her hand to my arm, and spoke.

"Alva, it was really nice to meet you. I hope we could… I don't know, like sit down and talk some day, to have a coffee- or do you even have coffee here in Asgård?"

I shook my head, but laughed. "I have never even heard of coffee, but I would like to talk with you, Doctor Jane Foster."

"Good." She gave me her radiant smile. "Let's talk, and have a drink of whatever it is you drink in here. I will tell you all you wish to know about Earth, and I hope you will tell me about your life too."

"My life isn't really that interesting." I shrugged. "But as you wish, Jane Foster. I hope to see you soon again."

"As do I." she smiled, and I couldn't help but to answer that smile.


	14. Back from the dead

It was an ordinary night, just like any other.

I had tucked Aarik into his cradle, and was sitting on my bed, watching at him sleep. He was so beautiful I could've just watched him all night. A love, deep and overwhelming as an ocean, filled me from head to toe every time I laid my eyes on him.

"Do all mothers feel this way?" I whispered, keeping my voice low not to wake Aarik.

"I wouldn't know, Milady." answered Frida. "But I hope so. Are you coming?"

"Yes, in a minute."

It was our habit, that after Aarik had fallen asleep, we sat down just the two of us, to have supper and a glass of wine. Sighing, I laid my hand on Aarik's cheek, and caressed him gently. He made a small, satisfied sound in his sleep, and my heart melted. Reluctantly I got up to my feet, and left the room to follow Frida to my small dining room.

She was already sitting by the table, and sipping wine - a sight that made me feel cosy and at home. Frida might still call me 'Milady', but otherwise she had certainly relaxed in my company.

I sat down on the other side of the table, and took the glass she poured for me.

"He's growing so fast." I sighed, and raised a glass to my lips. "Soon he'll be walking and talking."

"And learning to ride, and fight, and then he'll move out and we'll be old ladies, wondering where the time went."

I made a small laugh. "Moving out, you say. You think Odin will let him leave this place?"

"He'll have to, Milady." Answered Frida. "How could you raise a prince in a three room apartment? This will work just fine as long as Aarik is a baby or toddler, but when he grows up Odin will have to grant you your freedom - and make Aarik an official heir to the throne."

"That will never happen." I stated grimly. "No matter what Thor says about Loki being a hero, Odin will never forgive him - and Aarik resembles his father a way too much for Odin ever to love him."

"Don't say that. Aarik is adorable. Everyone loves him."

I made a face. "Odin doesn't."

"Do not be so sure. I have seen how he looks at the child, when you aren't paying attention, Milady."

I wasn't convinced by Frida's words. Yes, it was true that Odin had come to see Aarik a few times, but he had hardly said anything and I had seen nothing but resent on his eyes.

But just as I was about to answer, there was a loud knock on the door.

We both looked startled, and I placed my glass back on the table.

"Are you waiting for someone, Milady?" Frida asked, her eyes wide.

I shook my head. "Are you?"

"In my dreams." She rolled her eyes, and got up to open the door.

There was a guard, a tall and handsome palace guard with long blond hair, and a stern face. "Lady Alva?"

"Yes?" I got up, suddenly feeling nervous.

"Odin wishes to see you, at once, My Lady."

I glanced at Frida. "Speaking at the devil." I mouthed silently, and she suppressed a smile. But as I walked past her to the door, I felt nervous.

What could Odin possibly want with me? And at this hour? It was never a good thing to be noticed by the Allfather. No matter what Frida said, the less Odin cared about me and Aarik, the better.

* * *

I stepped into a small room, and the guard closed the door behind me.

I gulped, and felt a shiver of fear on my spine.

The room was dim, lightened only with few candles that stood on tall pedestals. It was not the throne room, but a small chamber, probably one of Odin's private chambers, and it was decorated with gold and dark green. Long, heavy curtains of brocade hand on the walls, and on the middle of the room there was a set of chairs and a wooden table.

Suddenly something about the decor made me think about Loki, and a flash of pain pierced my heart, making me gasp. The pain was so fierce it blackened my eyes, and made it hard to breath, but it was different than before. It was not so sharp, not like an open wound, but rather like an old injury that would never truly heal, but would always keep aching.

I bit my lip to suppress the sudden longing, and to prevent the tears from falling. I was here to meet Odin, and I wasn't going to let him see me vulnerable.

A door on the other end of the room opened, and Odin stepped in. I bent my knees and looked at the floor.

"My King." I said, keeping my eyes down. "You requested to see me."

"Yes." He answered. "Look up, Alva."

I hesitated, but finally did as he told me to.

His other eye was covered with a golden patch, but the other one looked at me with a piercing gaze, and I felt my knees shaking.

"Are you scared?" he asked, his voice silent and dark.

"Yes." I breathed. There was no point in lying.

"Why?"

What could I answer? He held my whole life in his hands. With one word he could take everything away from me, including Aarik.

"Because you are a King, and I am no one."

"You're not no one. Quite the contrary." Odin answered, and suddenly his voice was soft and kind. He raised his hand, as if he'd wanted to place it on my cheek, but then let it fall, and turned his back on me.

I was confused, and scared.

"Why did you send for me?" I dared to ask, my voice trembling slightly.

He was silent for a moment, his hands clasped behind his back.

"There is something I need to tell you, Alva. I have wanted to tell you this for a long time, but-" he stopped mid sentence, and shook his head as if to clear his thoughts, then turned to look at me, and this time the look on his face was different, as if he was scared too. "There is something you need to know."

I waited, not sure what was expected of me, and the moment lingered on for a long time until finally Odin sighed, and closed his eye. His face went stern, as if he was trying to concentrate very hard, the air around him began to wave and shimmer, and then -

And then he began to change.

His hair grew, it changed colour from gray to black, the eyepatch disappeared, the clothing changed, he grew taller and his form transformed leaner, younger.

In just a few heartbeats, Odin was gone, and where he had stood, there was another man.

Loki.

Seeing him took my breath away, and I felt my head spinning. My chest felt like it was crushed by a huge weight, my knees went weak and an unbearable pain struk my heart.

I gasped for air like a fish on land, unable to say a thing. But he just looked at me with his, oh so beautiful eyes, observed me as if he was uncertain of what to do with me.

Finally he spread his arms, and grinned at me, as if his smile would take away my shock.

I didn't answer the smile. I couldn't. I felt like my heart was frozen, and with it, my body too. I simply stared at his face, as if I'd seen a ghost.

But It was him, it truly was him.

The vast, blue eyes, the high cheekbones, the black hair that fell to his shoulders… the long, thin fingers that had caressed every part of my body, the lips that I had tasted on my own.

I couldn't speak, it was as if I had no air in my lungs.

"This can't be true." I finally managed to breath. "This is a dream. You're… you're-"

"Dead?" he seemed slightly amused. "I'm sorry to disappoint you, but that's not entirely true."

"Not entirely true?!" I felt my head spinning, my hands shaking. "You're either dead, or you aren't. There is no between!"

"Oh, there is, and I have seen it. But not this time. This time I was just hiding, I've been here-"

"You've been here all along, disguised as Odin?!" The truth sank into me like a spear, and I felt how the blood left my cheeks.

All the times Odin had asked to see me, to see my son… it had really been Loki?

I felt cheated, I felt ridiculed, I felt exposed and vulnerable and angry, the way I had never felt before.

"How could you do this to me?!" I cried out. "I mourned for you! I cried, night after night, after night! I lost my will to live, my spirit, my heart, my soul-"

"I know." he said. "Your sorrow was not lost. It did touch me."

"It touched you?!" I could hardly believe my ears. "You arrogant, obnoxious, self centered bastard! You lied to me, and not just once - you lied to me for a year-"

It was then, that a feeling flashed on his face, a look of displease and perhaps anger.

"I did what was necessary." He stated. "It is not your place to question my actions."

"Not my place?" I hardly believed my ears. "You _left_ me! You walked away from me and didn't even look back! You _used_ me and _left_ me, and _lied_ to me, and you dare to talk to me about 'my place'?!"

His mouth turned to a hard line, and I saw him clench his fist tight.

"What did you expect of me, wench? The truth? You forget who I am."

"Well, that's one mistake I won't be doing again." I breathed. "God of lies, now and always. I'll be sure to keep that in mind."

He flinched, as if I had slapped him on the face, and suddenly his eyes went dark.

"You seem awfully disappointed that I'm not dead after all." he hissed. He stepped closer to me. "Perhaps you enjoyed the company of Odin more, and you now miss the lie I let you see."

"That's not what I-"

"Be silent!" he snapped to my face. "You wanted the truth, so hear it now, woman. It was pure torture to be trapped in that form, in the form of a father who never wanted me, who never loved me! To use his voice and his face to hide my identity. And worst of all, to see you - to learn that you bore my child, and to be unable to tell you that…"

He suddenly stopped talking, and looked down.

"To tell me what?" I whispered. I could feel his breathing on my lips, and it made me long for things I'd thought I'd lost forever.

"Nothing." He span around, and walked away from me, hiding his face.

My heart was beating fast and I had tears in my eyes.

He was not dead. He was alive, _alive_. Had this not been everything I'd wished for? Then why did I feel this way?

"So it was you, all this time." I whispered, my voice thin and stretched by the betrayal I felt. "It was you who declined my pardons, you who kept me a prisoner, you who scared me to death by stalking me as Odin-"

"Be silent, woman!" he hissed, and stepped closer to me again, and pushed me against the wall with force. "Can you not see, that I did all that just to keep you safe? You are like a child, you have no idea of the dangers that lurk outside these walls. And it was not just your safety I had to think about. You were carrying my child - surely you must see that his safety was the cause of my actions!"

"Yes." I breathed through my teeth, a rage burning in my veins. "I gave you a son, and yet you decided to treat me as a slave."

He stepped back, letting me go, looking genuinely confused. "You chose to be mine, and mine alone. You gave yourself to me willingly, knowing your place. Is that no longer so?"

"I thought you were dead!" I was crying now, tears falling to my cheeks, making my voice thick. "You left me, and you _died_ -"

"Not really."

"Well I didn't know that! You weren't here for me, and I am no longer the girl I was when you left."

He looked at me silently for a few heartbeats, and let my words sunk in.

When he finally spoke, his voice was quiet and it betrayed no emotion.

"Then who are you now, Alva?"

"No one's slave." I breathed.

He turned his back on me, and hid his face from my view.

"I see now, that it was a mistake to reveal myself to you." his voice was cold and distant. "I will never force myself on you again. You are a free woman now."

"That's not-"

"Go back to your son." his voice was like ice. He raised his hand, I felt an odd tug under my heart, and the room around me disappeared.


	15. Wildest dreams

I was sitting by the pond, under the weeping willow, and I felt so empty and hollow that the wind could easily blow through me.

The tears had dried on my cheeks, and I felt weary to my bones, as if I had run for miles. My heart was heavy, and aching, sending new shocks of pain through my bloodstream with every beat.

It was night still, and the garden was quiet and empty.

" _You are a free woman now."_ he had said.

I wondered what it meant. Could I now go and pick Aarik from his cradle and walk through the palace gates? Go to Heimdall and ask for him to open the rainbow bridge to Midgård and let me pass?

I doubted it. Loki might have said I was free, but I was quite certain he hadn't told that to the guards.

Besides - where would I go, even if I could leave?

Now that the rage and shock had left me, I was ashamed of my behavior. Loki had reason to keep me here. He knew well enough, I had no place to go. My wish to see Earth was no more than a child's wish, it had nothing to do with reality.

"Stupid." I whispered to myself. "Stupid, stupid, stupid."

What was wrong with me? Had I lost all sense?

I had wanted nothing more than for Loki not to be dead, and now that my wish had been granted, what had I done? Lashed at him, and made him resent me.

So what if he had lied to me? Had I not loved him like the flower loves the sun? Had I not needed him like I needed the air I breathed?

Lying was in his nature, and I knew he'd had a reason to do so.

"Loki." I whispered, and let the wind carry my words.

The night was cold, and I was shivering in my gown. There was no answer to my words, but the sound of the water on a nearby stream and the wind on the branches of the weeping willow.

I took a deep, shaky breath, and pressed my head to my knees.

"Loki, I'm sorry." I breathed. "Please, forgive me."

I had no idea if he could hear me, if he even wanted to hear me. A long time passed, I sat leaning my head on my knees, feeling the dew making my gown moist, the coldness creeping up from the ground to my body.

It was then, perhaps an hour later, that I felt a change in the air, a little movement on the wind, and I knew someone was standing behind me.

I gasped and turned around.

"Loki, I-" I stumbled to my feet, and he offered his hand to help me up.

"I heard you." He said, meeting my eyes with his a serious gaze. "But I cannot forgive you, for there is nothing to forgive. You were angry, and for a reason. I see now that my actions have caused you pain, even if that was not my meaning."

His words took my breath away. He hadn't said it, not exactly, but I saw it in his eyes: he was apologizing.

"You said that I seemed disappointed that you're not dead." I replied. "I want you to know that is not true. I'm only disappointed that you did not tell me sooner."

"Hm." He looked down, hiding his eyes from me. His dark hair fell to his shoulders, soft and a bit curly. When he finally looked up, there was a hint of a smile in his eyes. "For one who is used to keeping secrets, honesty does not come easily. But I am sorry, that I hurt you."

 _He was sorry. He cared for me._

The thought took my breath away.

"There is nothing you need to be sorry about." I said, my voice soft as the night.

"There is." he raised his hand to my cheek, and his fingers were cool on my burning skin. "You are no longer just my lover - you are the mother of my child, and I have not treated you as such. I know I have not always treated you with respect."

I couldn't say a thing. His fingers on my skin were like ice, and my heart was racing, it felt like a hummingbird was trapped inside the cage of my ribs. He was so tall, and he was so close to me, his breathing fell down to my face and it scented of wine and steel and night.

I felt the desire burning in my veins, and as I looked up to his eyes, I saw it's echo in them.

"You look different." he whispered, his voice low and husky, and then his hands were in my hair, gently caressing my curls.

"I _am_ different." I breathed. His fingers moved to my shoulders, to my back, and they sent a shiver down my spine.

He pulled me closer, and he bent his head to my hair, his lips placing a trail of small kisses on my forehead. His hot breathing left me shivering, and he whispered to my ear: "For me this time has been nothing but a blink of an eye. I tend to forget how fast you mortals change, how much can happen to you in a mere year. When I bed you in the dungeons, you were nothing more than a girl, but now you are a woman." he was silent for a few heartbeats, but when he spoke again, I heard how he grinned. "It pleases me to think how it will feel to bed you now."

His words sent a flash of fire in me, like a hot tug in my belly, and I made a small gasp. I remembered, oh I truly remembered now how it had felt to be his, to feel his hands on my skin, his body between my thighs, his-

My thoughts were interrupted, as he suddenly jerked me closer, buried his fingers in my hair and kissed me.

His cool lips opened mine, and my knees went weak. I leaned on him, my hands on his chest, on his hair, and pulled him close. He moaned into my mouth, his tongue entered me and I felt his strong arms pulling me closer.

A desire, as hot as the sun, was born in my heart.

His breathing on my lips, his hands in my hair, his mouth that was hard and demanding on mine - it was overwhelming. He wasn't dead. _He wasn't dead!_ He hadn't left me.

I couldn't help it, tears began to fall on my cheeks again. I was sobbing as he kissed me, and the taste of our kiss was the salty taste of my tears.

He pulled back, breathing fast, the darkness of the night in his eyes.

"Why are you crying?" he asked, with a husky voice.

"Because I love you." I exhaled.

My words made him froze, and suddenly there was nothing but sorrow and longing in his eyes. He stared at me, speechless, for a second or so, and then suddenly grabbed me into his arms, and pushed my body against the trunk of the willow.

His lips were instantly on mine, and now the kiss was deep, hard and demanding. I felt the tree trunk against my back, scraping my skin through the thin fabric of my dress, but somehow that only made everything even more real - more arousing.

He didn't speak, but his hands on my skin told me what he couldn't say: that he needed me, that he'd missed me - _that he loved me?_ He seemed impatient now. His fingers were on my thighs, pulling up the hem of my dress, grabbing my behind on a way that made me gasp.

"Please…" I breathed. "Please-"

"Alva…" he groaned, and lifted me up with his strong arms, pinning my back against the tree. And then he was between my thighs, and I wrapped my legs around his hips. His breathing was fast, his body pressing tightly against me, and it told me just how much he wanted me.

"Tell me that you need me." he growled, his face on my neck so that his hot breathing that fell on my skin made me shiver.

"You tell me." I said, pushing my fingers to his hair, pulling his face up so that I could see his eyes. "Say that you missed me."

He raised an eyebrow. There was a flash of irritation in his eyes, but it passed almost instantaneously, and was replaced by amusement.

"I _did_ miss you, my little human." He said after a few heartbeats. He spoke slowly, very clearly, looking at me straight in the eye. "I missed your thighs around my hips, and your lips on mine, and I missed the way you moan when I invade you. Which I intend to do now, if you let me."

His words made my cheeks burn, and I bit my lip.

"Yes." I breathed. "Please."

He grinned wolfishly, revealing his beautiful, canine teeth.

"Good girl." he groaned, and leaned to kiss me again, hard and deep, his tongue entering my mouth on a way that told me just how he wanted to enter the other parts of me.

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, as he was only supporting my weight with one arm now, his other hand busy opening his trousers. He was dressed in a some kind of an armor, an outfit made of leather, fabric and metal, and it felt cold against me, the leather and metal scraping the soft skin of my inner thighs. I wished he'd undress, for I was only wearing a dress of thin, soft linen (which he had already pulled up to my waist), and I wanted to feel his skin on mine, but apparently he had no intention of losing his armor. He simply opened the front of his trousers, and then his arms were around me again, and I felt his large, hot erection pressing against my labia.

I hardly had time to gasp, as he already pushed inside - making a loud, predatory groan, and a flash of pain and need stroke through my core.

Hearing my gasp, he stopped, his shaft deep inside of me, letting me time to adjust.

"Tell me if I'm hurting you." he murmured to my ear. "For I do not wish to cause you discomfort, even if it is difficult to resist the pleasures you offer."

"Ah!" I breathed, as he began to move again inside of me, slowly circling his hips against mine, thrusting deep with every move.

It felt even better than I had remembered on the lonely nights I had spent awake, crying and missing him. It felt better than anything on this world, or on the whole nine worlds. His arms around me, his lips on my neck, his breathing on my skin - and his long, thick shaft entering me, opening me to him, every thrust a bit stronger and deeper than the one before.

I'd do anything for this man, I knew. For no one else could touch me like he did, no one else could make me feel like he did, like nothing else mattered than this moment and the desire we felt.

He made me forget everything, as he pushed my back against the tree trunk and buried his fingers on my skin, fastening his pace with every push.

"Oh, Loki, please…!" I moaned, hardly able to speak. "Please, I'm gonna-"

"Say it!" he commanded, suddenly stopping and pulling his shaft almost all the way out of me, looking me straight in the eye. "I want to hear it from your lips."

"I need you." I breathed. "Please, I need you to-"

"To do what, wench?" he groaned.

I blushed.

"To have me."

He pushed back and forth a few times, slowly, teasingly - but his fast breathing told me he had hard time resisting his urge. "Is this what you need, woman?"

"Yes, Oh God, please, please-" I shivered as he hit my clit with every thrust, and I tried to push my hips closer to him, but he just stopped moving again, growling like a wolf.

"Say that I own you." he commanded, his voice as black as the night that surrounded us, and I obeyed - just as I always had.

"You own me, Loki. I am yours, and yours alone." I moaned, and finally he seemed satisfied with my answer.

"Good girl." he breathed, and thrust inside again, finally giving me what I had begged for.

His rhythm was fast now, every push deep and raw, and hitting me just on the sweetest spots. I was so aroused by him, that it only took a few thrusts that I came, screaming. Feeling my orgasm on his shaft he growled and released himself in me, filling me with his seed, pushing so deep that I saw stars.

* * *

 **This was it, folks - at least for now.**

 **I'm going to let this story rest for a while, probably until "Thor III - Ragnarök". Then I can finally make up my mind about how I want to finish this story. So, be patient my dear readers. I promise there will be a proper ending to this little fic, sooner or later.**

 **Please, if you liked it, leave a review - they mean the world to me! 3**


	16. Lies and truths

**I promised I would continue this fic after seeing "Thor: Ragnarök", so here we are! Went to see it last night, and the inspiration hit me instantly. :D**

 **If you haven't seen the movie yet, be warned - the upcoming chapters will contain spoilers!**

 **Please, review and let me know what you thought. Your comments mean the world to me.**

* * *

When you're imprisoned and only have one friend, it's not that easy to keep secrets.

I did the best I could though. Whenever Odin (Loki) sent for me, I pretended to be surprised and confused, acted as if I had no idea why he sent for me. But it wasn't that easy to hide my rosy cheeks when I returned to my rooms, or my lips that were all swollen from the kissing. Not from someone, who had the most observant eyes I knew.

It only took a week or so, for Frida to notice something was off.

"I know it's not really my place to say, but I... " she started, while brushing my hair one morning.

I turned to look at her, with a smile on my face - that came so easily to me nowdays.

"Nonsense, you can say me anything. You know that."

"It's just… that it makes me a bit uncomfortable that you're sleeping with Odin."

"What!?" I almost fell of my stool. "Sleeping with Odin?! That's ridiculous! I'm not sleeping with him!"

"Of course you are." she stated matter-of-factly.

"But that's… that's absurd! Why would you even think that?"

"I might be a maid, but I'm not stupid, Milady." she stated, and put the brush down. Her cool fingers sorted my hair into strands, and she began to braid them. "He summons you, you're gone for an hour or two, and when you come back your cheeks are rosy, your hair is a mess and you have that look on your face, the look a woman has only when she's been-"

"Alright, alright!" I blushed, against my will, and stood up, pulling my half braided hair off her hands. "But for Yggdrasil's sake, it's not _Odin_ , I'm sleeping with. Ewww, that would be so wrong!"

"You swear?"

"Yes, I swear!"

She let a long sigh.

"Well, I can say that's a relief, Milady." she crossed her arms, and gave me a dubious look. "But… if it's not him, might I ask, who is it?"

I turned my back at her, and walked to the window, to pull open the curtains and let the sunshine enter my room.

I wanted so bad to tell Frida everything. I was, as I had once told Loki, the worst liar in the history of Asgård, and I wasn't built for keeping secrets. It was a lonely burden to carry, to be the only one that knew Loki was not dead. That he was governing Asgård in his father's place.

I let out a long sigh, and shook my head.

"I… I'm sorry, but I cannot tell you."

But Frida wasn't discouraged. "So it is a secret love then?"

"Mmm… you could say so, yes."

"Oh, I love those!" she grinned with excitement. "A secret love… let me guess, is it Thor?"

"No!" I exclaimed, blushing. "He's Loki's _brother_ , for heaven's sake! First you thought I was having an affair with Odin, now with Thor... eww! What do you take me for?"

Frida shrugged, with a twinkle in her eye.

"I don't know. It's just you don't get to meet that many men, Milady, and Thor is a pretty handsome fellow. And a prince too."

"Ah, I guess he is, but he's not really my type. Besides, he has Jane."

"True." she stated. "But that only proves he likes Midgårdian women. He fancies you as well, you know. I can tell from the way he looks at you sometimes."

"That's rubbish." I noted, but I felt my cheeks burning. "He just likes me for being his brother's… well whatever I was to him."

Frida looked at me for a while, silently, observing my face, and suddenly I felt super guilty for keeping a secret of this magnitude from her. She was my friend, my companion, my rock. She had been here for me, through everything. Through that miserable time I was pregnant and sick, through all the nights I had cried for my broken heart, through the days when Aarik had been a newborn and taken all my time and my energy… And this was how I repaid her?

"So you really are not going to tell me who you're sleeping with?" she asked, after a while. It hurt, but I had to look down, and avoid her stern gaze.

"No, I'm sorry, but I can't."

She shrugged. "It's fine. It really is none of my business. But I am happy for you, I truly am. It's like… these past weeks you've been a different person altogether. You have began to smile again."

"Yes, I have." I grinned, as if to prove the point. "But you are mistaken. It's not… him, who brought the smile back to me. It's you who's done that."

"Now now, Milady." she said. "Let's not get carried away."

"No, really." I replied, and walked closer to her, and took her hands in mine. "You saved me. I don't say that often enough, but you are my friend, my best and only friend, and I..."

"Yes, Milady?" she looked me in the eye, and suddenly I knew.

I had to tell her.

"Can you keep a secret?" I asked, lowering my voice.

"You know I can, Milady."

"You must swear, that you'll never reveal what I'm about to tell you now. You must swear it to me, swear it by Yggdrasil, and I'll tell you."

Suddenly she looked scared, my serious tone making her startle. She nodded, and gripped tight on my hands.

"I swear by Yggdrasil, Milady. I swear that I'll take your secret to my grave."

I bit my lip, and hesitated. But the secret was so heavy on my heart, that it was hard to breath. And I felt it breaking free.

"Loki is alive."

"Oh…!" Frida gasped, and went pale. "Oh! And you-"

"Yes." I smiled. "Yes, he is here, and I am his. I…"

"But Milady, I don't understand!" she breathed. "What does Odin have to do with this all? Why does he send for you, when-" she stopped talking mid sentence. "Oh, I see. It is not Odin on the throne of Asgård, is it."

That was the question I had feared for. I gripped hard on Frida's fingers and looked her straight in the eye.

"Listen to me now, Frida. You swore, remember? You swore not to reveal this secret to anyone."

"I remember, Milady." her tone was serious, her eyes seemed huge on her pale face. From somewhere far, far away I could hear the birds singing in the garden.

"It is indeed Loki, who is disguised as Odin. He has been ruling in his father's name for some time now, and there is no one else who knows this truth. Only me, and now you. You cannot tell this to anyone, do you understand? You must keep this a secret, or else…" I had to pause for a second, to be able to say the rest. "... or they will take him away from me again, throw him back into the dungeon, and that I could not take."

Frida was silent for a moment, and by the look in her huge, blue eyes, I could tell that she was trying hard to wrap her thoughts around the facts I had just revealed her.

But she wasn't shouting to me, or trying to escape - which was a good sign. I gave her time, just waited silently for her response.

"I understand, Milady." she finally said, her voice steady and trusting. "That is not what I want for you, or for Aarik. I promised to keep your secret, and I will do that. But-"

"Yes?"

"But… what about Odin?" she asked, and her gaze was piercing. "If he is not on the throne, where is he?"

"I do not know." I had to admit. "But I know he isn't dead."

"How can you be sure?"

I gave a sigh, and let go of Frida's hands. I had to sit down on the edge of my bed, for suddenly I felt exhausted. Exhausted, and light hearted at the same time, and my head was dizzy.

"How do I know?" I asked. "Because Loki told me. And I believe him."

"With all due respect, Milady, this is a man who is known as the God of Lies."

"And don't I know It?" I couldn't hide the bitterness in my voice. "He has lied to me more than I can tell. But this time, I believe him. And so must you. Odin is alive."

"Fine." Frida nodded. "I believe you."

I turned my eyes from her, to the patterns the sunlight formed on the floor tiles as it entered my room through the canopies, through my thin linen curtains. They were like spots of moving gold, and I felt the warmth on my toes.

I knew Loki had lied to me many a time, but I also knew this wasn't one of them.

Had he indeed killed his father, why keep it a secret from me - from someone who's committed a patricide herself? Why not boast about it, rejoice the deed by telling about it to me, again and again, with a smile on his lips?

His silence about the matter told me, that it had not happened.

Besides, I had my doubts if Loki even could have killed Odin.

Odin was the Allfather. His powers were limitless. He could have easily struck Loki down, smashed him like an ant, had he threatened his life.

Only by a clever scheme, could Loki have won his father. A scheme, that included sorcery.

Perhaps Loki had erased Odin's memories with a complex spell - and then sent him far away, to a place where he could not find home anymore?

For I was certain, that even then, Loki could not have killed his father. No matter how much he claimed to hate Odin, I knew better. I had seen it in his eyes, heard it in his voice. He might hate Odin - but he loved him too.

There was the difference between him and me.

I had not loved my father, not ever. I had only hated him - and that was the reason I had been able to take his life.

 _And what does that make you?_

 _Your heart is tainted, and you can never wash the blood off your hands, murderer!_

I shook my head, to drive away my inner voice, but I could not hide my sudden change of mood from Frida.

"Milady?" she asked, startled. "What is it?"

I stood up, and didn't meet her eyes. There were some secrets I would take to my grave.

"Nothing, Frida." I faked a smile. "Let us go and see, if Aarik is awake. I could have sworn, I heard him cry."


	17. Heaven on Earth

**Dear readers - I'm really discouraged that so many people are reading this, but yet I get no feedback.**

 **Please, write a review. It'll only take a minute of your time, but it means the world to me.**

 **Thanks! I hope you enjoy this chapter. :)**

* * *

It would be a lie to say that everything was easy.

Or that I was living a dream.

To be honest - things were now that much more complicated than they had been before, when I had thought Loki was dead.

Yes, I was happy that he was alive.

Yes, I had forgiven him for lying to me. And yes, I let him take me to his bed again - with pleasure, to tell the truth.

He would summon me almost every night, to his rooms - to Odin's rooms - where he waited for me without a disguise, just as he was, as Loki. And I could not deny, that I longed for the things we did, when it was just the two of us.

But as I had said to him, I was not the same girl I had been when he had first made me his.

I could not be satisfied with living a lie. And that was what our relationship was. A lie, that was nagging at me like a snake inside my chest, no matter how enthrilled I was in the bed with him.

It was the little things.

Like the fact that I couldn't tell my son that his father was alive.

Arik was now a toddler, no more a baby. He was learning to walk and to talk, his first word was 'Mommy' and it filled my heart with love and light - and despair, for I wanted him to say 'Father' as well, I wanted to see him looking at his father, being picked up by him, being _raised_ by him.

And yet Loki refused to show his face to my son.

To _our_ son.

"He is a child." Loki would say, when I brought the thing up. "Children cannot keep secrets. He'll learn the truth when he is ready for it."

I bit my lip to keep quiet. Loki didn't like if I argued, when he had made up his mind.

But I could not keep wondering if he realized, what waiting meant for Aarik and me. My son was ¾ Asgårdian - and I suspected that made him more or less immortal. Or at least he would age a lot slower than I did.

Would he have to wait for hundreds of years to learn the truth of his father?

What would it do to him, to know he had been living a lie all his life?

And what if I died before he ever found out? I was a mortal after all, and I could not wait forever.

But it wasn't just this.

The other thing Loki never wanted to talk about, was my 'freedom'.

He had told me that I was a free woman now, that I was nobody's slave. But apparently his idea of freedom was a lot different from mine.

I had been granted a permission to leave the palace, which was an improvement, but a small one. And Loki wouldn't let me leave alone. Every time I wanted to go out, I needed to ask for a permission, and for an escort, one of palace guards - who no doubt, told Loki everything I had done, and every place I had went.

It didn't really feel like freedom to me.

"I am protective of you." he murmured to my ear, when I complained about this to him one night. "You are all I have. I want to keep you safe."

His lips moved on my neck, his hot breathing fell to my skin and made me shiver, his words made my heart skip a beat.

How could I complain, when he touched me like this?

How could I talk, when his lips on mine silenced my arguments?

I knew I was being petty and unreasonable. Didn't I have a lot more than I deserved? A lot more than I had ever thought I'd have?

But still, I wanted more.

I wanted to be able to tell my son that his father was alive - and the king of Asgård.

I wanted to walk hand in hand with Loki in the palace, so that everyone could see us - see him - and know that he was mine.

I wanted to be able to come and go freely, as I pleased - not as a slave, or a prisoner.

I wanted to have pride, purpose and meaning. In every hour of the day - not just the ones I spent in his bed.

And most of all - I wanted for him to take me to Midgård. To Earth.

* * *

"Absolutely not." Loki said, when I brought this up, once again. "That I will not do!"

We lay on the bed, side by side. I was still sweaty and weak after the lovemaking, my core aching from his ruthlessness, my lips sore and swollen, my head high in the clouds.

But his words brought me back down, and instantly cleared my head. I tasted the bitter taste of disappointment on my lips.

"Why not?" I dared to ask. "You could, I know it. You have the power to control the rainbow bridge and to travel anywhere you wish. I have longed for years, to see the world I was born in, to see-"

"I cannot do that." he snapped, and turned his gaze away from me. "It would be too dangerous."

"What do you mean dangerous? I know mortals can travel through the rainbow bridge as well. Thor's lover Jane Foster did, and she is a human."

But it had been unwise to bring Thor up. Loki's lips clenched tight and he frowned.

"You are foolish like a child!" he sighed. "Do you know who is in Earth? My _beloved_ brother Thor. Do you not think, that he would find out if I was there as well? Do you not think he would find us - and realizing I was alive, try to take everything away from me? He would destroy our every chance of happiness! And all this just to fulfill a child's wish to see an insignificant and unpleasant world."

His words hurt me, and tears welled in my eyes.

"Fine." I managed to say. "As you say, My Lord."

He gave out a long sigh, and turned to his side, to face me.

"Do not call me that." He breathed. "I have told you a long time ago, to call me by my name. You are not my slave anymore, Alva."

"Then why do I feel like one?"

He placed his hand on my cheek, his long fingers caressing me, slowly following the line of my jaw, to my lips. His touch was cool and gentle on my skin, and it made me shiver.

"I cannot give you what you want." he said after a long silence. "I cannot take you to Midgård. You must stop asking that."

I blinked a few times, to stop the tears.

His blue eyes were deep with shadows, the look in them sad and filled with secrets.

I knew he could never give me what I needed - a family, a normal life, companionship, freedom.

But he held my heart in his hand, and I knew there was no other life meant for me.

"Alright." I exhaled. "I promise."

"Good girl." he smiled, and pulled me close.

His lips on mine were heaven on earth, and I felt like falling.


End file.
